Upset about Upset

You know what bothers me? People getting upset. Now, some upsetness is ok. There are indeed traumatizing experiences (involving violence, terror, your security, your personal wellbeing and the well being of others, and your life in context of whether it means anything and why on earth God won't give you that solid gold question mark for your lawn that you've been praying for every night for 25 years). Getting upset about events that directly affect your life but that you have no control over, that is justifiably upsetting. Doing the same thing to someone else is justifiably upsetting.

But what is not "justifiably upsetting" are what I call "social dramas." So and so says something to so and so who then yells at so and so who turns out to be so and so's (this is the first so and so, by the way) fake pet wildebeest. "Gossip" as I like to call it. My definition of gossip is speaking about someone(s) outside of their presence when it does not involve any of the parties participating in the discussion. If information is volunteered, that's fine. If you're concerned about someone's wellbeing and would like some guidance/help/plan of action/air strike then it's justifiable. But when you're talking about people for purely malicious or entertainment purposes, I find it reprehensible. Do I do it? I certainly try not to. Most of the time I do, it's out of concern. It certainly isn't with malicious intent. I'm pretty tolerant of most people and most ways of life as long as they don't interfere with the lives of others (My only real beef with other philosophies is Hell, because it directly effects parties not involved in that religion (it's the only situation like that I'm aware of). But that's another discussion). But when "speculations" or "hearsay" is transferred with no real relevance to any parties involved, it's just wrong.

That's how these "dramas" generally start(or so I can tell, having never been involved in any to my oh so fragmented recollections). And then, deception begins. I'm bad at deception. I couldn't lie my way out of bed in the morning. And I don't. If you ask me, point blank, any question I'll pretty much answer it. There's 1, maybe 2, things I would feel uncomfortable talking about, but other than that I'm an open-book. Call it a lack of complexity, call it what you will, but I try to follow the creed that if you feel ashamed of something, change it or don't feel bad about it. Either it's justifiable in your eyes and you shouldn't feel bad about it, or you feel it's wrong and should change it for your own wellbeing. What other people think shouldn't matter a bit. I believe it was Dr. Suess who said, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." If someone finds what you're doing despicable, then they can deal with it themselves. If you believe it's justified, you have no bad feelings about it (or the positive outweighs the negative), you don't have to change for them. Unless, of course, you want to. But often those people who don't understand and condemn things you feel are perfectly acceptable aren't the type of people you need to hang around anyway.

(I know this is a rant, but that's the second word in the title for crying out loud! I haven't had an actual rant in sometime, bear with me or go get some apple juice and take a nap). If you're completely open and don't feel ashamed of any of the things you do, you've got nothing to worry about. If you do things that you feel bad about and regret, apologize, admit you were wrong, apologize again, and try to learn from your mistake and not repeat it. Whenever feelings start getting hurt, take a step back. Survey the situation. Usually, they're pretty easy to disect. There's no sense in letting tiny, fixable problems turn into horrible beasts. Find the original source. Sit everyone down, tell them to stop worrying so much about everyone else, and put everything out in the open. Sometimes tact is necessary. But sometimes you just have to be firm.

The most important thing to remember is to be happy with who you are. Mold yourself into the individual you want to be. Do some self-searching, think for a change. It might be painful (you've seen me do it), but improve yourself until you've found something that works. If you're content with who you are, nothing can really hurt you. Your opinion is the only one that matters. That's not to say you shouldn't listen to criticism. Try to constantly improve. When someone points out one of your "flaws" look at it. If you find you don't like it, change. If you find it's not a flaw at all, don't. If that person can't look past it, they're probably not worth having around.

It seems I've run out of time, but I'll repeat the credo and the quote because I think they sum things up. If you're ashamed of something, change it or don't be ashamed. And, as Dr. Suess said, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." (It should be noted that this is true only for your actions that don't affect others. If you do things that have malicious or harmful effects on your fellow man, effects they can't ignore such as abuse verbal and physical, you have a responsibility to change.) Follow those two, and you'll only need to answer to yourself. Unfortunately, you might find you're the most difficult person to deal with of all.