Shiver my Timbers, Shiver my Soul

Yo Ho Heave Ho! So I watched part of "Muppet Treasure Island" today because, along with Moulin Rouge and various other movies, we actually own it. And, I'm glad to say, it's an enjoyable movie. It's got pirates, it's got singing, it's got comedy, it's got intrigue, murder, suspense, who could ask for anything more? Ah, if only Mr. Rogers would choose Pirates of the Caribbean for our show music. Then we'd all have nicknames, Derek would run around saying "ABast me heartey's!" and what not. Good times indeed. Pirate mariachis may have to do, though. Ah well.

Well, the fires of whatever have been somewhat quenched, but I still seem to be on my way to going stircrazy. I suppose the reasons are twofold. The first being an issue in the present. I seem to have managed to marginalize just about everything. I don't really have any plans, goals, or joys. I just seem to not really enjoy anything. I might actually do it, but whenever I start thinking about it, nada. I have to live vicariously through others, but even then it has to be my way (ie not material objects or lies; I also have to cause it for some reason). Perhaps it's because I'm always worried about something. That would explain my frequent nightmares about being late to class (those will have to another entry, though). That I just cannot relax. Or maybe I can and I just don't realize it. But I think the main reason may be that I expect more of life. I expect more than I can have, in terms of emotional experiences. Either I don't let myself rise to that level or I'm delusional. It's very distressing. When even activities that are supposed to be enjoyable only serve to occupy, not really amuse. I seem to only enjoy things when part of a team or side because then I have a niche, a reason, a purpose. It's why I like driving, because then I'm serving a needed purpose.

But that just further reinforces my dependence on others. Me, a person who theoretically cares little about people's opinions and preaches contentment with only oneself, has to depend on others. It's illogical! Ah well, what can I do? Absolutely nothing. I've no plans! If I had things I wanted to do I'm sure I'd take you all with me. Good thing Ellen's on the case for finding good towns to visit!

Eh, once again I've run out of steam before getting to college. My mind is becoming more and more fragmented. So I bid you all farewell until next time...