I was watching the Daily Show and it had a segment on how Hitler references are being thrown around left and right. "George Bush is Hitler" "Democrats are Hitler" "Bob Dole loves Hitler. You know it, I know it, Mine Fehrer knows it!"
In response, I think it'd be nice to start a "Mussolini was a bad guy too!" campaign. Maybe "Maniacs for Mussolini." So next time you're tempted to compare your parent's restrictions upon your wild sexual exploits or skyrocketing drug mule career, don't say "That's what Hitler would do!" Say, "Mussolini hated freedom too!"
So remember: "Mussolini: The non-cliche Hitler."
Thursday, June 30
Wednesday, June 29
I'm Addicted
To Wikipedia. (Hey, I'm afraid to make phone calls, ask aid from authority figures, and attend parties! Hooray!)
Tuesday, June 28
So...
I read this on a forum somewhere, and I found it concise and fitting enough that I wanted to save it. So... saved.
12 Reasons Why Gay Marriage Should Not Be Allowed
1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.
2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can't legally get married because the world needs more children.
3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if Gay marriage is allowed, since Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.
5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are property, blacks can't marry whites, and divorce is illegal.
6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.
7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
10. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.
11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to things like cars or longer life spans.
12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.
12 Reasons Why Gay Marriage Should Not Be Allowed
1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.
2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can't legally get married because the world needs more children.
3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if Gay marriage is allowed, since Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.
5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are property, blacks can't marry whites, and divorce is illegal.
6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.
7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
10. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.
11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to things like cars or longer life spans.
12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.
Monday, June 27
Drunk or Demented: You Decide
An email from my dearly distant sister:
"I am reading your book...on chapter 9... hope VA is fun... I am really bored...Martin=NOWHERESVILLE...AHHHHHHHHHHHHH... Have a happy 4th...How was freshman orientation.... I talked to Martha...and kelly...and stefan...and melston...and now you...i don't know why i keep...ing...the wal-mart is the highlight of the town...no hot guys...so no need to worry...do you know who your roommate is yet?...if you get to choose pick someone hot for my sake...it woudl be awesome...marhta is going ot be close by...and that makes me giggle...giggle giggle...i got invited to a frat party...by someone who was hungover...it was funny...g'night....hugs...pickles...love............................................C Meggs"
I cracked up on the "invited to a frat party" part. It's odd, because she's at a camp for the humanity gifted, but still writes an email like that. I think it's just a respect for the medium that has not been instilled into her by thousands of hours of surfing. I guess that speaks louder about me than her, eh?
Wow, I just realized I haven't seen her for almost a month. That's a first. Missing Carrie? This state is going to my head!
"I am reading your book...on chapter 9... hope VA is fun... I am really bored...Martin=NOWHERESVILLE...AHHHHHHHHHHHHH... Have a happy 4th...How was freshman orientation.... I talked to Martha...and kelly...and stefan...and melston...and now you...i don't know why i keep...ing...the wal-mart is the highlight of the town...no hot guys...so no need to worry...do you know who your roommate is yet?...if you get to choose pick someone hot for my sake...it woudl be awesome...marhta is going ot be close by...and that makes me giggle...giggle giggle...i got invited to a frat party...by someone who was hungover...it was funny...g'night....hugs...pickles...love............................................C Meggs"
I cracked up on the "invited to a frat party" part. It's odd, because she's at a camp for the humanity gifted, but still writes an email like that. I think it's just a respect for the medium that has not been instilled into her by thousands of hours of surfing. I guess that speaks louder about me than her, eh?
Wow, I just realized I haven't seen her for almost a month. That's a first. Missing Carrie? This state is going to my head!
Sunday, June 26
Good News!
My father wants to buy a membership to UT's athletic facilities and work out with me!
My elation cannot be subdued!
Kill me now!
My elation cannot be subdued!
Kill me now!
Saturday, June 25
A tactful way to eat your neighbour's small child
Does not exist.
In the vein of my "Things I didn't do today" blog of yesteryear, this site really lets your creativity soar. Of course, I limited myself to "States Walter Mondale has not lost in" (Mainly because "England" had already been taken). So... enjoy!
In the vein of my "Things I didn't do today" blog of yesteryear, this site really lets your creativity soar. Of course, I limited myself to "States Walter Mondale has not lost in" (Mainly because "England" had already been taken). So... enjoy!
Friday, June 24
Thursday, June 23
Oh dear...
It's over. I've jumped the shark. I'm losing control. I've lost my grasp on reality. If I ever had it, that is.
I cannot make myself do anything constructive. I need help. But the help must come from within.
One day, I hope to leave this morbid mire of mediocrity and attain some sort of peace of mind.
Or maybe I'm just crazy.
I cannot make myself do anything constructive. I need help. But the help must come from within.
One day, I hope to leave this morbid mire of mediocrity and attain some sort of peace of mind.
Or maybe I'm just crazy.
Sunday, June 19
Math is Urrywer!
From American Dad:
"I touched her hand, her hand touched her boob, so by the the transitive property, I got boob! Algebra rules!"
"I touched her hand, her hand touched her boob, so by the the transitive property, I got boob! Algebra rules!"
Saturday, June 18
Hilarity in Unexpected Places
Like Madagascar.
Monkey 1: I say, I think Tom Wolfe is speaking at Columbia, let's do have a listen.
*Monkey 2 (a mute) makes various sign language gestures*
Monkey 1: Well of course we're going to throw poo at him.
Monkey 1: I say, I think Tom Wolfe is speaking at Columbia, let's do have a listen.
*Monkey 2 (a mute) makes various sign language gestures*
Monkey 1: Well of course we're going to throw poo at him.
Friday, June 17
Lee and Me on Sunday Clothes for (gasp) Church
Lee: Did you bring nice clothes?
Me: A nice shirt
Me: Of course I forgot the pants
Lee: you always do.
Me: A nice shirt
Me: Of course I forgot the pants
Lee: you always do.
Wednesday, June 15
"I don't lie, I imagine verbally."
"Ask the stupid question or remain a stupid person."
Just some quotes I thought up in my head. I think I'll use the first one quite a bit, in due time...
Speaking of which, this is an awesome site. I've made a few entries, see if you can find them under "redundant" and "nonexistentialism." Nihilism and Calvin Coolidge (to which I also added) are superb as well. Enjoy.
"Ask the stupid question or remain a stupid person."
Just some quotes I thought up in my head. I think I'll use the first one quite a bit, in due time...
Speaking of which, this is an awesome site. I've made a few entries, see if you can find them under "redundant" and "nonexistentialism." Nihilism and Calvin Coolidge (to which I also added) are superb as well. Enjoy.
Tuesday, June 14
Friday, June 10
I was leaving orientation when I saw that abstinence sign "Safe Sex Isn't." The entire concept makes me angry, because these are the same people who'll preach about the sanctity of marriage and then they turn it into a license for sex.
If I was a vandal skilled in climbing, that sign would read "Safe Sex Isn't As Fun!"
I am a bad person.
If I was a vandal skilled in climbing, that sign would read "Safe Sex Isn't As Fun!"
I am a bad person.
Tuesday, June 7
News
1. The Novella Afterword is complete, after 3 weeks. Send me an email at deepfrieddyl@yahoo.com if you want a copy.
2. I'm leaving Sunday to go to Virginia to work for my uncle for about six weeks. I'll have internet access, but I just thought some of you might want to know.
3. Happy Belated Birthday to David "Brown Sugah" Sugue. He's 18, but I think he might be able to keep killing strippers because of political immunity or something, for being foreign.
Cheers.
2. I'm leaving Sunday to go to Virginia to work for my uncle for about six weeks. I'll have internet access, but I just thought some of you might want to know.
3. Happy Belated Birthday to David "Brown Sugah" Sugue. He's 18, but I think he might be able to keep killing strippers because of political immunity or something, for being foreign.
Cheers.
Friday, June 3
If only I had learned this sooner...
Don't forget to put your mouse pointer over the comic after you've read this sage advice!