Well, it's off to grandmother's house I go. No internet access for about 3 days. I think I'll survive, I'm not sure though... There's not much for me here but books, I'm afraid. I'm actually ready for college to start so I can get it over with. What a funny concept... Heh, take care guys. I'll be back online Monday!
Cheers!
Thursday, July 28
Wednesday, July 27
Too Sexy For My Society
(THIS, now THIS is some entry right here. It goes places, believe you me. So if you have questions or comments, please make them after the trip. I'd hate for you to get misconceptions about my beliefs because I didn't properly express myself [a very probable possibility]. But, at any rate, here it is.)
Well, I watched the movie “Kinsey” tonight, and it got me thinking about a particular subject area that’s been prevalent in my musings recently. For those who don’t know, Kinsey was a professor who surveyed thousands of people about their sexual histories and helped to dispel numerous myths about sexuality and what is “normal.” One of the matters brought up in the movie was how love and sex tied together and whether a loving relationship could endure when sexual relations weren’t “exclusive.”
When I first learned about the concept, it startled me. I’d always assumed people either partnered for the intent of long term relationships or had “one night stands” with different frequencies. It really hadn’t occurred to me that a person could continuously have sexual relations with multiple, limited partners for extended durations.
At first I chalked it up to “Well, it wouldn’t work for me, but if you can deal with it and all parties agree, I certainly don’t mind” (that’s a fairly accurate summation of many of my views). However, I began thinking about it, and I wondered if I could survive under such circumstances. It’s really a complex area. Assuming my girlfriend/wife consented, would I be able to have an at least satisfactory relationship with another girl in addition? And, more importantly, would I be able to tolerate my wife having relations with other men?
The first psychological response in my imaginings is about as expected. I would feel quite jealous if my wife pursued other “interests”, but if she consented, I would be able to maintain multiple relationships myself without guilt. I’m not quite sure if it classifies as hypocritical, as these are feelings and not actions, nor are they necessarily endorsements.
That was where I stopped, until tonight when I watched the movie. Once again, it brought up my past internal debate. However, I imagined that my hypothetical lover was fornicating not for pleasure or with another lover, but as part of some sort of scientific experiment. I don’t feel any feelings of jealousy at all. And that’s when I see that the act itself isn’t important, just the implication. If my wife had intercourse with another man, I’d feel threatened that she’d leave me for him or that I would be proved inadequate. Even if that wasn’t her original intent, her main purpose being exploration and hedonism, the possibility is still there.
But then, I reason with myself. If she really enjoys the company of another man above mine, wouldn’t it be better that she gets the best? And of course, even if he is “better in bed”, I may still have enduring qualities that brings her back to me. Of course, the idea of sharing one’s wife is quite detached from society’s norm, but honestly I think I could adjust to it.
And as I adjust to the idea, my thought expands. Brie has a comment in Bonnie’s profile that reads something like “I don’t want to get married, I’d rather just have casual sex with my male friends.” It’s a concept that’s rather intrigued me, even if the thought itself may have been uttered facetiously. What if sex wasn’t treated as taboo or possessive at all? What if kissing, stimulation, even the actual act of fornication were commonplace between friends? What if one could detach themselves from the idea that sex is something private and special, instead integrating it into one’s social life? It’s almost disturbing. And yet, I’d imagine I could do it. I’ve got the right amount of logic to be able to handle my emotions, but the right amount of emotions to heighten the experience from just hedonism to something more fulfilling.
Of course, this is all speculation from someone who’s only been kissed. But really, breaking down the physical barriers and making physical contact become as acceptable as emotional connection, even raising the stakes to sensuality? It certainly has potential benefits. By making sex and physical relations more commonplace, you take away its power. It’s not as frightening, not as dramatic or damaging. It already creates closer bonds between individuals, why make those bonds be exclusive only to two people? Imagine the improved personal connections. Not to mention the hedonism itself.
Obviously there are drawbacks and risks aplenty. Pregnancy and disease, sexually transmitted or not, are both huge factors. Sexually transmitted diseases are an easier issue to discuss, because one either has one or one does not. In fact, in this state of heightened sexuality, the fear of STDs would be even more intense because if/when the presence of an STD is known, the afflicted individual would be ostracized to a greater extent than today. Sex would be a demonstration of trust between two individuals. Or the practice of sharing test results would increase, for the more skeptical. Either way, there are safeguards and precautions to be taken to prevent the threat.
But STDs are not the main problem of such a liberal society. Pregnancy is. As much as I hate to admit it, abstinence really is the only sure way. Even “The Pill” isn’t certain. So what would be done with the inevitable increase in pregnancy? Obviously one option is abortion. I’m tempted to argue that this would cause emotional damage to the patient, but then if we assume the sort of adjustments that have already been made to allow such a liberal environment in the first place, the idea that abortion should not be a source of guilt or regret isn’t too farfetched. *(see my below entry for clarification).*
What about the pregnancies that are delivered though? Obviously both parents would ideally have a say in the child’s growth, but it would seem a more “communal” take would be applied. The child would be exposed to more people and ideas, creating a more well rounded individual. It’d be interesting to see the results of such environments, at least.
Oy, I went from idle musings to a dramatic shift in society. What a ramble! I wonder if anyone can actually read that entire thing… Suffice it to say, I’m not advocating having sex with anything that moves. I'm not even saying this is my own ideal. I’m just saying that it’d be interesting to have sex play a more casual role in typical social structures. A lot of trust, precautions, and mental adjustments would have to be made, but it could morally work (everything would, of course, be between consenting adults or age-appropriate teenagers).
I’m turning into quite the hedonist. However, I suppose when I advocate sex, I’m assuming an emotional connection. Relationships would just be… heightened. And complicated. And simplified. The imagination runs wild.
Just some thoughts that lead in a myriad of directions. And to think, I wrote this entire thing without becoming physically arroused. Must be the diction…
Well, I watched the movie “Kinsey” tonight, and it got me thinking about a particular subject area that’s been prevalent in my musings recently. For those who don’t know, Kinsey was a professor who surveyed thousands of people about their sexual histories and helped to dispel numerous myths about sexuality and what is “normal.” One of the matters brought up in the movie was how love and sex tied together and whether a loving relationship could endure when sexual relations weren’t “exclusive.”
When I first learned about the concept, it startled me. I’d always assumed people either partnered for the intent of long term relationships or had “one night stands” with different frequencies. It really hadn’t occurred to me that a person could continuously have sexual relations with multiple, limited partners for extended durations.
At first I chalked it up to “Well, it wouldn’t work for me, but if you can deal with it and all parties agree, I certainly don’t mind” (that’s a fairly accurate summation of many of my views). However, I began thinking about it, and I wondered if I could survive under such circumstances. It’s really a complex area. Assuming my girlfriend/wife consented, would I be able to have an at least satisfactory relationship with another girl in addition? And, more importantly, would I be able to tolerate my wife having relations with other men?
The first psychological response in my imaginings is about as expected. I would feel quite jealous if my wife pursued other “interests”, but if she consented, I would be able to maintain multiple relationships myself without guilt. I’m not quite sure if it classifies as hypocritical, as these are feelings and not actions, nor are they necessarily endorsements.
That was where I stopped, until tonight when I watched the movie. Once again, it brought up my past internal debate. However, I imagined that my hypothetical lover was fornicating not for pleasure or with another lover, but as part of some sort of scientific experiment. I don’t feel any feelings of jealousy at all. And that’s when I see that the act itself isn’t important, just the implication. If my wife had intercourse with another man, I’d feel threatened that she’d leave me for him or that I would be proved inadequate. Even if that wasn’t her original intent, her main purpose being exploration and hedonism, the possibility is still there.
But then, I reason with myself. If she really enjoys the company of another man above mine, wouldn’t it be better that she gets the best? And of course, even if he is “better in bed”, I may still have enduring qualities that brings her back to me. Of course, the idea of sharing one’s wife is quite detached from society’s norm, but honestly I think I could adjust to it.
And as I adjust to the idea, my thought expands. Brie has a comment in Bonnie’s profile that reads something like “I don’t want to get married, I’d rather just have casual sex with my male friends.” It’s a concept that’s rather intrigued me, even if the thought itself may have been uttered facetiously. What if sex wasn’t treated as taboo or possessive at all? What if kissing, stimulation, even the actual act of fornication were commonplace between friends? What if one could detach themselves from the idea that sex is something private and special, instead integrating it into one’s social life? It’s almost disturbing. And yet, I’d imagine I could do it. I’ve got the right amount of logic to be able to handle my emotions, but the right amount of emotions to heighten the experience from just hedonism to something more fulfilling.
Of course, this is all speculation from someone who’s only been kissed. But really, breaking down the physical barriers and making physical contact become as acceptable as emotional connection, even raising the stakes to sensuality? It certainly has potential benefits. By making sex and physical relations more commonplace, you take away its power. It’s not as frightening, not as dramatic or damaging. It already creates closer bonds between individuals, why make those bonds be exclusive only to two people? Imagine the improved personal connections. Not to mention the hedonism itself.
Obviously there are drawbacks and risks aplenty. Pregnancy and disease, sexually transmitted or not, are both huge factors. Sexually transmitted diseases are an easier issue to discuss, because one either has one or one does not. In fact, in this state of heightened sexuality, the fear of STDs would be even more intense because if/when the presence of an STD is known, the afflicted individual would be ostracized to a greater extent than today. Sex would be a demonstration of trust between two individuals. Or the practice of sharing test results would increase, for the more skeptical. Either way, there are safeguards and precautions to be taken to prevent the threat.
But STDs are not the main problem of such a liberal society. Pregnancy is. As much as I hate to admit it, abstinence really is the only sure way. Even “The Pill” isn’t certain. So what would be done with the inevitable increase in pregnancy? Obviously one option is abortion. I’m tempted to argue that this would cause emotional damage to the patient, but then if we assume the sort of adjustments that have already been made to allow such a liberal environment in the first place, the idea that abortion should not be a source of guilt or regret isn’t too farfetched. *(see my below entry for clarification).*
What about the pregnancies that are delivered though? Obviously both parents would ideally have a say in the child’s growth, but it would seem a more “communal” take would be applied. The child would be exposed to more people and ideas, creating a more well rounded individual. It’d be interesting to see the results of such environments, at least.
Oy, I went from idle musings to a dramatic shift in society. What a ramble! I wonder if anyone can actually read that entire thing… Suffice it to say, I’m not advocating having sex with anything that moves. I'm not even saying this is my own ideal. I’m just saying that it’d be interesting to have sex play a more casual role in typical social structures. A lot of trust, precautions, and mental adjustments would have to be made, but it could morally work (everything would, of course, be between consenting adults or age-appropriate teenagers).
I’m turning into quite the hedonist. However, I suppose when I advocate sex, I’m assuming an emotional connection. Relationships would just be… heightened. And complicated. And simplified. The imagination runs wild.
Just some thoughts that lead in a myriad of directions. And to think, I wrote this entire thing without becoming physically arroused. Must be the diction…
Controversial Clarifications
A clarification on abortion: One of my problems with the idea that abortion is destroying possible children is that it’s a dangerous line of thinking. Every sperm is potential. Every time a woman menstrates, potential is lost. In fact, all fertile women who could physically endure childbirth should be pregnant so as to ensure that as many potential children are created as possible. Think of all the Mozarts and Leonardo da Vinci’s that could have been created if women just had more babies. Think of all the children who could have existed, but don’t, because they decided not to have unprotected sex. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.
Monday, July 25
An X is a Y with one more I and four L's
*sigh* I've been goofing on, because that is what one does when reading books puts them to sleep. Even interesting books, like 1984, that intrigue you but still make you want to take a nice, peaceful nap.
At any rate, part of my goofing off has been to look at relationship sites/guides. Not because I have any particular interest in that regard (I'm still ambivalent about the concept), but because it intrigues me. The two premier sites (if you want in, just use fake email addresses) seem to be David DeAngelo's "Double your Dating" for the men and "The Rules" by someone else, for the ladies.
I've looked over both, and at first glance they seem to be written by the same person. At the very least they're quite similiar. However, they diverge sharply in their message. The male's tells them how to get multiple females, and the female's tells them how to snag and keep one male. Now, this certainly isn't indicative of the majority of either sex, nor do I know how effective either is. The forum I found the link to DeAngelo's site on had an incredible amount of positive feedback though, and seeing as it's a forum for a web comic (ctrlaltdel), I'd imagine they could use the help.
The differences and similarities practically speak for themselves. The targeted woman sees a man as a long-term asset, whereas the targeted man sees a woman as a temporary vessel for satisfaction. Both seem rather mechanical and impersonal. Then there are these guides that break down how to manipulate the opposite sex into getting what you want, which it appears is conflicting. It's so... forced and unromantic. Of course, it could also be argued that these are more self-help books than anything, providing confidence and a better sense of direction. In that respect, I guess I can't be too critical. It's just... interesting.
For instance, the male guides and sites (and there are a fair number), mostly focus on the acquisition of sexual partners, often multiple at a time. There's an entire science, as it were, of seduction and attraction. And, it would seem, it's not all snake-oil. What they say makes sense, and that might be the eeriest part. Confidence is very important, as well as making the other person want you, not the other way around. It just oozes of manipulation though. It works, but it's... dirty. Not necessarily morally right or wrong, just somehow corrupt.
Blasted romanticism. You'll be my ruin yet! You or your bastard cousin existentialism. I write rants with little to no point involving each of you, you dirty little monsters. Ah well.
In other, more important news, I researched contraceptives today on wikipedia. You know, just so I'm prepared for hypothetical situations. Apparently "The Pill" has a .3 to 1.25 method effectiveness rating, meaning of 100 couples properly using the Pill over the course of a year, .3-1.25 will get pregnant. Yes, male and female. It's a freaky drug. However, it does sound more reassuring than a condom that can slip, tear, and steal your kidney all in the blink of an eye. The Pill doesn't protect against STDs, though.
Just thought I'd let you all know, cause, you know, I care. (Being with those kids up in Virginia really scared me about having children. I'm not even close to having sex and I'm already paranoid!)
In summary, Cheers!
At any rate, part of my goofing off has been to look at relationship sites/guides. Not because I have any particular interest in that regard (I'm still ambivalent about the concept), but because it intrigues me. The two premier sites (if you want in, just use fake email addresses) seem to be David DeAngelo's "Double your Dating" for the men and "The Rules" by someone else, for the ladies.
I've looked over both, and at first glance they seem to be written by the same person. At the very least they're quite similiar. However, they diverge sharply in their message. The male's tells them how to get multiple females, and the female's tells them how to snag and keep one male. Now, this certainly isn't indicative of the majority of either sex, nor do I know how effective either is. The forum I found the link to DeAngelo's site on had an incredible amount of positive feedback though, and seeing as it's a forum for a web comic (ctrlaltdel), I'd imagine they could use the help.
The differences and similarities practically speak for themselves. The targeted woman sees a man as a long-term asset, whereas the targeted man sees a woman as a temporary vessel for satisfaction. Both seem rather mechanical and impersonal. Then there are these guides that break down how to manipulate the opposite sex into getting what you want, which it appears is conflicting. It's so... forced and unromantic. Of course, it could also be argued that these are more self-help books than anything, providing confidence and a better sense of direction. In that respect, I guess I can't be too critical. It's just... interesting.
For instance, the male guides and sites (and there are a fair number), mostly focus on the acquisition of sexual partners, often multiple at a time. There's an entire science, as it were, of seduction and attraction. And, it would seem, it's not all snake-oil. What they say makes sense, and that might be the eeriest part. Confidence is very important, as well as making the other person want you, not the other way around. It just oozes of manipulation though. It works, but it's... dirty. Not necessarily morally right or wrong, just somehow corrupt.
Blasted romanticism. You'll be my ruin yet! You or your bastard cousin existentialism. I write rants with little to no point involving each of you, you dirty little monsters. Ah well.
In other, more important news, I researched contraceptives today on wikipedia. You know, just so I'm prepared for hypothetical situations. Apparently "The Pill" has a .3 to 1.25 method effectiveness rating, meaning of 100 couples properly using the Pill over the course of a year, .3-1.25 will get pregnant. Yes, male and female. It's a freaky drug. However, it does sound more reassuring than a condom that can slip, tear, and steal your kidney all in the blink of an eye. The Pill doesn't protect against STDs, though.
Just thought I'd let you all know, cause, you know, I care. (Being with those kids up in Virginia really scared me about having children. I'm not even close to having sex and I'm already paranoid!)
In summary, Cheers!
Saturday, July 23
American Why
Everytime I listen to American Pie, I get that "epic" urge. Because it is an "epic" song, in a grandiose way. It's full of nostalgia and tragedy, and it also has a sort of combative nature. Even if it's just football v. marching band. It's inspiring and humbling at the same time.
And then I think of the Don McLean tape I bought in Nashville, full of absolutely pathetic songs that are so ridiculous, you wonder if he knows how silly they. That might be a bit harsh, but it's really not unwarranted. So you have this one man capable of something truly awesome and something just plain pitiful. That's the real inspiration. It says that everything you do doesn't have to be a hit. You'll fail and fail and fail, but maybe once, just once, you'll make something beautiful. That's reason enough to try, right?
And then I think of the Don McLean tape I bought in Nashville, full of absolutely pathetic songs that are so ridiculous, you wonder if he knows how silly they. That might be a bit harsh, but it's really not unwarranted. So you have this one man capable of something truly awesome and something just plain pitiful. That's the real inspiration. It says that everything you do doesn't have to be a hit. You'll fail and fail and fail, but maybe once, just once, you'll make something beautiful. That's reason enough to try, right?
Friday, July 22
I don't normally get angry, but I did tonight. Various, small reasons. But without anyone else to vent to, I guess Microsoft Word will have to do. You can read it if you want, it's just a punching bag to me. I guess that blog's gotta be good for something, eh?
Thursday, July 21
The Times They Are A Changin'
Which is good, because I've only got 20's. (Get it! Changin'? As in "loose change?" Eh? Eehhhhh?"
Anyway. It's odd. It's not the "traditions" that really make you feel your reality is shifting. It's not graduation, the last day of school, orientation, any of those things. It creeps up on you, change. At least it does for me. People come, people leave, and I take it as it comes. It's not until a few weeks of months later when you wonder what exactly that tiny sad feeling is at the end of the day, the notion that something is just... missing. That's when it gets you.
It's not just people leaving either. Within the past few weeks, I've learned of sexual relationships of three of my friends. And it's not that I assumed they weren't or never would engage in it, it's just sort of an "oh" thing. I suppose it's because I don't speculate about people's private lives, I just believe what they tell me. I don't condemn it or anything, certainly not. I just haven't been exposed to it... ever. I know these things go on, but from my perch behind the keyboard, I don't really give them much thought.
But then, gradually, more and more happens. I suppose I'm not shocked at these people, I'm shocked at myself. It finally strikes me that I really am growing up. And in a month or two I'll be at UT, watching people get drunk, high, and "fornicated" left and right. It's really kind of funny. I picture it like the "Forbidden City" chapter in Catch-22. For some reason it's post-apocalyptic, there's fires burning and people are running around screaming, all sorts of chaos is occurring. And I'm just wading through it. An overdramatization, but for someone like me, who has never even seen marijuana not in the hands of some sort of federal agent or alcohol in the mouth of a minor, it's quite a step.
I don't fear it, exactly, I just don't look forward to being "immersed" in it. I like the position of observer or confidante, hearing about the adventures and misadventures of others but never experiencing them myself. It's a position of power, but I can also empathize to the point where if you go into detail, the pictures and actions come alive. I don't need the real thing. But I guess I'm going to get it whether I want it or not, eh?
I could say things like "I'll never drink, I'll never get high", but I don't really know. At this moment, I would adamantly refuse just because I don't want to lose control. But in a year? Who knows? I could say I'll refuse any girl who asks me out, but I don't really know.
At this moment I'd rather live my life out alone, being a part of many lives but not a main part. But I also know I've got those stupid, stupid desires. Not sexual ones that I've recently learned can be "taken care of", but the kind you get when you watch a movie by yourself and want someone to hold/be held by. I'm tempted to go Puritan and just outright deny it. But then I wonder if it's something I'll regret years later. I won't regret skipping Prom. I might regret never being in a real relationship. Waiting for the "right girl", eh?
Ah well. It's sort of... powerful, living life. I've got this desire to be a real influence on people, my students particularly. I want to be memorable, not necessarily remembered. Que sera, sera.
Anyway. It's odd. It's not the "traditions" that really make you feel your reality is shifting. It's not graduation, the last day of school, orientation, any of those things. It creeps up on you, change. At least it does for me. People come, people leave, and I take it as it comes. It's not until a few weeks of months later when you wonder what exactly that tiny sad feeling is at the end of the day, the notion that something is just... missing. That's when it gets you.
It's not just people leaving either. Within the past few weeks, I've learned of sexual relationships of three of my friends. And it's not that I assumed they weren't or never would engage in it, it's just sort of an "oh" thing. I suppose it's because I don't speculate about people's private lives, I just believe what they tell me. I don't condemn it or anything, certainly not. I just haven't been exposed to it... ever. I know these things go on, but from my perch behind the keyboard, I don't really give them much thought.
But then, gradually, more and more happens. I suppose I'm not shocked at these people, I'm shocked at myself. It finally strikes me that I really am growing up. And in a month or two I'll be at UT, watching people get drunk, high, and "fornicated" left and right. It's really kind of funny. I picture it like the "Forbidden City" chapter in Catch-22. For some reason it's post-apocalyptic, there's fires burning and people are running around screaming, all sorts of chaos is occurring. And I'm just wading through it. An overdramatization, but for someone like me, who has never even seen marijuana not in the hands of some sort of federal agent or alcohol in the mouth of a minor, it's quite a step.
I don't fear it, exactly, I just don't look forward to being "immersed" in it. I like the position of observer or confidante, hearing about the adventures and misadventures of others but never experiencing them myself. It's a position of power, but I can also empathize to the point where if you go into detail, the pictures and actions come alive. I don't need the real thing. But I guess I'm going to get it whether I want it or not, eh?
I could say things like "I'll never drink, I'll never get high", but I don't really know. At this moment, I would adamantly refuse just because I don't want to lose control. But in a year? Who knows? I could say I'll refuse any girl who asks me out, but I don't really know.
At this moment I'd rather live my life out alone, being a part of many lives but not a main part. But I also know I've got those stupid, stupid desires. Not sexual ones that I've recently learned can be "taken care of", but the kind you get when you watch a movie by yourself and want someone to hold/be held by. I'm tempted to go Puritan and just outright deny it. But then I wonder if it's something I'll regret years later. I won't regret skipping Prom. I might regret never being in a real relationship. Waiting for the "right girl", eh?
Ah well. It's sort of... powerful, living life. I've got this desire to be a real influence on people, my students particularly. I want to be memorable, not necessarily remembered. Que sera, sera.
Tuesday, July 19
Your Mom is Considerably Obese
Ah, Dinosaur Comics (where I got the above quote), you fill my heart with a form of quaint joy unparalled by any other comic.
I'm going to have read the Harry Potter books for the sole purpose of being able to say, "This ain't nothin' compared to George RR Martin's 'A Song of Ice and Fire' series, jerk!" You know, cause they're just better books, ya know? Maybe? No? Well read em already, sheesh!
In other news: Pie! What's up with that?
I'm going to have read the Harry Potter books for the sole purpose of being able to say, "This ain't nothin' compared to George RR Martin's 'A Song of Ice and Fire' series, jerk!" You know, cause they're just better books, ya know? Maybe? No? Well read em already, sheesh!
In other news: Pie! What's up with that?
Monday, July 18
I got bored, so I did this:
Making up Bob Dole Quotes
From Uncyclopedia
"Bob Dole enjoys kittens on a stick." -Bob Dole
"Bob Dole firmly believes Calvin Coolidge could kick your ass." -Bob Dole
"At least Bob Dole's not gay." -Bob Dole (commenting on the more popular "Making Up Oscar Wilde Quotes")
"Never say I."-Bob Dole
"Bob Dole." -Bob Dole
Making up Bob Dole Quotes
From Uncyclopedia
"Bob Dole enjoys kittens on a stick." -Bob Dole
"Bob Dole firmly believes Calvin Coolidge could kick your ass." -Bob Dole
"At least Bob Dole's not gay." -Bob Dole (commenting on the more popular "Making Up Oscar Wilde Quotes")
"Never say I."-Bob Dole
"Bob Dole." -Bob Dole
Ugh
Well, I was right. Don't you hate it when that happens? It turns out when I've no good video games and no summer reading, I'm lost. Unmotivated to the extreme! So to combat said quandry, I believe I'll try to make myself start reading. 1984 is first, followed by Harry Potters 5 and 6 (yes, I'll read them, but only because I vaguely remember the first 4 being good). After that, who knows? I don't know if I'll be able to read successfully. My attention always wanders, and I get overcome with this sense of insecurity. Why oh why couldn't I have inherited my mother's gift for painting/drawing instead of trying to pave my way into writing? Ah well. I keep wanting to write something, to build a real story with real characters and subsequently destroy them. However, I'm forcing myself to delay my next writing project until I'm firmly cemented into college, if not out of it. I may write the villain novel as my senior project at UT, then write my spiritual atheist when/if the country recedes even further into Puritannical nonsense. I just keep having this feeling that I need to hurry before someone else beats me to the punch... I guess there are always other ideas if those fall through.
In other news, I've invested in Netflicks so I can at least finish Six Feet Under before UT. I figure with that, coupled with my hopefully revived interest in reading and the imminent arrival of "Grim Fandango" (an older adventure game for the PC), I should be adequately entertained until school starts. I'd be tempted to have multiple parties/get-to-get-hers, but my home is severely lacking in appropriate facilities and is an all around stressful place to be. Maybe when I acquire a swinging bachelor pad of my own I can have all sorts of wild boardgame related escapades. Or maybe just lots of sex. Oh Fate, which path will you pick? I guess you could surprise me and do both, possibly simultaneously. *shudder* You really are a wily son of an anarchist...
And on that note, I bid you all cheers, adieu, and/or cancer. (I can only afford two of the three. Take your pick.)
In other news, I've invested in Netflicks so I can at least finish Six Feet Under before UT. I figure with that, coupled with my hopefully revived interest in reading and the imminent arrival of "Grim Fandango" (an older adventure game for the PC), I should be adequately entertained until school starts. I'd be tempted to have multiple parties/get-to-get-hers, but my home is severely lacking in appropriate facilities and is an all around stressful place to be. Maybe when I acquire a swinging bachelor pad of my own I can have all sorts of wild boardgame related escapades. Or maybe just lots of sex. Oh Fate, which path will you pick? I guess you could surprise me and do both, possibly simultaneously. *shudder* You really are a wily son of an anarchist...
And on that note, I bid you all cheers, adieu, and/or cancer. (I can only afford two of the three. Take your pick.)
Sunday, July 17
Saturday, July 16
Puritans Smuritans
So I'm turning into a bit of an anti-Puritan. I'm achieving mixed results. I hate the guilt aspect, but being the erudite I'm not, I decided to do a bit more reading. I came across this gem. Apparently, that whacko James Dobson is pro-masturbation. So that's nice. However...
"Lots of young guys compare erections and masturbate with other young guys out of curiosity. This is not a big deal as long as it doesn't become a habit. It doesn't mean you are gay because it turned you on. It is more a passing curiosity phase. If you have been involved in "comparing notes" then let the phase move on - don't get locked into having the presence of another boy with you as your method of getting turned on."
I'll take that into consideration as my attempts to get rid of all that subconscious guilt progress. I mean, I can barely stand my own, much less someone else's. *sigh* This Puritan thing will be harder to beat than I thought. Damn.
Heh, there's something Puritans are good at. But I cursed! Haha! Score one for me!
"Lots of young guys compare erections and masturbate with other young guys out of curiosity. This is not a big deal as long as it doesn't become a habit. It doesn't mean you are gay because it turned you on. It is more a passing curiosity phase. If you have been involved in "comparing notes" then let the phase move on - don't get locked into having the presence of another boy with you as your method of getting turned on."
I'll take that into consideration as my attempts to get rid of all that subconscious guilt progress. I mean, I can barely stand my own, much less someone else's. *sigh* This Puritan thing will be harder to beat than I thought. Damn.
Heh, there's something Puritans are good at. But I cursed! Haha! Score one for me!
Thursday, July 14
Wednesday, July 13
Calvin Coolidge was Young Once Too
And he became President! A curt one at that!
Anyway, I haven't posted in awhile. I've had things to talk about, but AIM has distracted me. I want to make some sort of entry though.
I delivered some lumber Saturday to this guy's house. He lived in a sort of poor neighborhood with a modest house along with his girlfriend (maybe wife). He'd invited some friends over to help unload the lumber with him.
I was just, I don't know, taken aback by their attitudes. They seemed so relaxed and mellow. Not stoner, brain dead mellow. Just sort of pleased with life, at peace. And I want that. I want it really badly. To be relaxed and at peace, to not worry and stress all the time. To not doubt myself and my future to the point of self-annihilation.
I had a breakdown to a point you're not comfortable with me talking about this weekend. I essentially doomed my teaching plan to failure because I knew I'd be too... different in my approach. More fun, less boring stuff. Which would probably get me fired, thus ruining the plan I have for my own personal peace. It lasted until I got angry today, charged if you will. I decided that I would make it work. I would put enough effort into forging a path that it would work, no buts about it. I got a bit of "determination."
And that's what I need. I need to get into a mindset where I try to be happy instead of just "accepting" what happens. Instead of thinking in terms of what will happen to me, I need to think in terms of what I'll make happen for me. I just hope I'm able to keep it up.
Anyway, I haven't posted in awhile. I've had things to talk about, but AIM has distracted me. I want to make some sort of entry though.
I delivered some lumber Saturday to this guy's house. He lived in a sort of poor neighborhood with a modest house along with his girlfriend (maybe wife). He'd invited some friends over to help unload the lumber with him.
I was just, I don't know, taken aback by their attitudes. They seemed so relaxed and mellow. Not stoner, brain dead mellow. Just sort of pleased with life, at peace. And I want that. I want it really badly. To be relaxed and at peace, to not worry and stress all the time. To not doubt myself and my future to the point of self-annihilation.
I had a breakdown to a point you're not comfortable with me talking about this weekend. I essentially doomed my teaching plan to failure because I knew I'd be too... different in my approach. More fun, less boring stuff. Which would probably get me fired, thus ruining the plan I have for my own personal peace. It lasted until I got angry today, charged if you will. I decided that I would make it work. I would put enough effort into forging a path that it would work, no buts about it. I got a bit of "determination."
And that's what I need. I need to get into a mindset where I try to be happy instead of just "accepting" what happens. Instead of thinking in terms of what will happen to me, I need to think in terms of what I'll make happen for me. I just hope I'm able to keep it up.
Wednesday, July 6
Whoa
This morning I looked at the clock and it said 7:32, and I was disappointed I couldn't go back to sleep. Then I woke up from looking at the clock to find it was a dream and it was only 7:06. Kinda hurts your mind, eh?
Tuesday, July 5
Monday, July 4
Ug
I don't want to go back! I don't wanna! *sigh*
In other news, I'm not planning on having children anytime soon. Small children are maddening. Not so much the girls, but the boys, at least in my oh so limited experiences. Boys are loud and rowdy and prideful and disrespectful. Girls just divide into factions and have an arms race a la gossip. Who will spread the most rumors first to discredit the other, prettier one who all the boys constantly flirt with GOD I'M SO FAT!!!
See, I can handle that. It's the "I win! I'm better than you! Let me punch you one last time just to reassert my superiority!" mentality that I can't really take. I'm not a person who commands respect, I generally prefer to win people to my side or at least poison their sodas before they realize I've insulted their religious beliefs and/or mother's face.
I don't know, is it just me? Is it odd that I primarily talk to girls? I mean, of the people I talk to on a quasi-regular basis (at least a few words every week or so), there are 3-4 boys and 6-8 girls. Girls are easier to talk to maybe? Maybe I don't feel threatened by them? But what's to feel threatened about when you're talking 1 on 1 to another social outcast?
I dunno. Maybe I'm a dirty, lecherous old man. Yes, I think that'd be pretty accurate. And on that note, back to babysitting. Dirty old men make great babysitters. The never take their eyes off the kids!
I'm a bad person.
In other news, I'm not planning on having children anytime soon. Small children are maddening. Not so much the girls, but the boys, at least in my oh so limited experiences. Boys are loud and rowdy and prideful and disrespectful. Girls just divide into factions and have an arms race a la gossip. Who will spread the most rumors first to discredit the other, prettier one who all the boys constantly flirt with GOD I'M SO FAT!!!
See, I can handle that. It's the "I win! I'm better than you! Let me punch you one last time just to reassert my superiority!" mentality that I can't really take. I'm not a person who commands respect, I generally prefer to win people to my side or at least poison their sodas before they realize I've insulted their religious beliefs and/or mother's face.
I don't know, is it just me? Is it odd that I primarily talk to girls? I mean, of the people I talk to on a quasi-regular basis (at least a few words every week or so), there are 3-4 boys and 6-8 girls. Girls are easier to talk to maybe? Maybe I don't feel threatened by them? But what's to feel threatened about when you're talking 1 on 1 to another social outcast?
I dunno. Maybe I'm a dirty, lecherous old man. Yes, I think that'd be pretty accurate. And on that note, back to babysitting. Dirty old men make great babysitters. The never take their eyes off the kids!
I'm a bad person.
Friday, July 1
Traveling Goodness
I was at a gas station in Fort Chiswick, halfway between Charlotteville and Knoxville. So I went into the bathroom and there was one of those condom machines they commonly have in men's restrooms (I don't know what they have for the ladies, but the mens' room generally has a metal box where one puts in quarters and discreetly receive a form of protection that even the secret service can't provide).
Anyway, etched on the machine, it said "For refund, insert baby here."
Oh the simple joys of solo travel. And no, that's not a metaphor for masturbation ya sick freak.
Anyway, etched on the machine, it said "For refund, insert baby here."
Oh the simple joys of solo travel. And no, that's not a metaphor for masturbation ya sick freak.