Calvin Coolidge was Young Once Too

And he became President! A curt one at that!

Anyway, I haven't posted in awhile. I've had things to talk about, but AIM has distracted me. I want to make some sort of entry though.

I delivered some lumber Saturday to this guy's house. He lived in a sort of poor neighborhood with a modest house along with his girlfriend (maybe wife). He'd invited some friends over to help unload the lumber with him.

I was just, I don't know, taken aback by their attitudes. They seemed so relaxed and mellow. Not stoner, brain dead mellow. Just sort of pleased with life, at peace. And I want that. I want it really badly. To be relaxed and at peace, to not worry and stress all the time. To not doubt myself and my future to the point of self-annihilation.

I had a breakdown to a point you're not comfortable with me talking about this weekend. I essentially doomed my teaching plan to failure because I knew I'd be too... different in my approach. More fun, less boring stuff. Which would probably get me fired, thus ruining the plan I have for my own personal peace. It lasted until I got angry today, charged if you will. I decided that I would make it work. I would put enough effort into forging a path that it would work, no buts about it. I got a bit of "determination."

And that's what I need. I need to get into a mindset where I try to be happy instead of just "accepting" what happens. Instead of thinking in terms of what will happen to me, I need to think in terms of what I'll make happen for me. I just hope I'm able to keep it up.