Wealthy man in wheel chair, all but one arm and his head paralyzed (Sponsor): Was driving at a squirrel in the road, sure the squirrel would run out of the way. But as he got closer and closer, the squirrel just stared at him, its piercing little eyes daring him onward, as if it wanted to get crushed beneath the giant wheels of his SUV. Surely, no animal would be that stupid. Surely, it would jump out of the way. But it didn't. The man crushes the squirrel, but was so focused upon it that he neglected a stop sign and drove straight through a fourway stop, getting in a terrible collision as a result.
Wealthy man's servant: Hates universe because he's the wealthy man's servant.
People person (Public relations): Loves people, but all of her boyfriends/crushes, etc invariably end up dead. Very frustrating.
Website manager: Can't kill himself. Tries numerous methods, but something always goes wrong and he ends up fine. Possible relationship with people person/possible misanthrope?
Campaign Manager: Horrible terminal illness that causes no pain, but can cause death at any moment. Results in dementia, paranoia, and a desire to live intensely every single goddamn moment. Possibly dies later in film?
Assistant Campaign Manager: