(THIS, now THIS is some entry right here. It goes places, believe you me. So if you have questions or comments, please make them after the trip. I'd hate for you to get misconceptions about my beliefs because I didn't properly express myself [a very probable possibility]. But, at any rate, here it is.)
Well, I watched the movie “Kinsey” tonight, and it got me thinking about a particular subject area that’s been prevalent in my musings recently. For those who don’t know, Kinsey was a professor who surveyed thousands of people about their sexual histories and helped to dispel numerous myths about sexuality and what is “normal.” One of the matters brought up in the movie was how love and sex tied together and whether a loving relationship could endure when sexual relations weren’t “exclusive.”
When I first learned about the concept, it startled me. I’d always assumed people either partnered for the intent of long term relationships or had “one night stands” with different frequencies. It really hadn’t occurred to me that a person could continuously have sexual relations with multiple, limited partners for extended durations.
At first I chalked it up to “Well, it wouldn’t work for me, but if you can deal with it and all parties agree, I certainly don’t mind” (that’s a fairly accurate summation of many of my views). However, I began thinking about it, and I wondered if I could survive under such circumstances. It’s really a complex area. Assuming my girlfriend/wife consented, would I be able to have an at least satisfactory relationship with another girl in addition? And, more importantly, would I be able to tolerate my wife having relations with other men?
The first psychological response in my imaginings is about as expected. I would feel quite jealous if my wife pursued other “interests”, but if she consented, I would be able to maintain multiple relationships myself without guilt. I’m not quite sure if it classifies as hypocritical, as these are feelings and not actions, nor are they necessarily endorsements.
That was where I stopped, until tonight when I watched the movie. Once again, it brought up my past internal debate. However, I imagined that my hypothetical lover was fornicating not for pleasure or with another lover, but as part of some sort of scientific experiment. I don’t feel any feelings of jealousy at all. And that’s when I see that the act itself isn’t important, just the implication. If my wife had intercourse with another man, I’d feel threatened that she’d leave me for him or that I would be proved inadequate. Even if that wasn’t her original intent, her main purpose being exploration and hedonism, the possibility is still there.
But then, I reason with myself. If she really enjoys the company of another man above mine, wouldn’t it be better that she gets the best? And of course, even if he is “better in bed”, I may still have enduring qualities that brings her back to me. Of course, the idea of sharing one’s wife is quite detached from society’s norm, but honestly I think I could adjust to it.
And as I adjust to the idea, my thought expands. Brie has a comment in Bonnie’s profile that reads something like “I don’t want to get married, I’d rather just have casual sex with my male friends.” It’s a concept that’s rather intrigued me, even if the thought itself may have been uttered facetiously. What if sex wasn’t treated as taboo or possessive at all? What if kissing, stimulation, even the actual act of fornication were commonplace between friends? What if one could detach themselves from the idea that sex is something private and special, instead integrating it into one’s social life? It’s almost disturbing. And yet, I’d imagine I could do it. I’ve got the right amount of logic to be able to handle my emotions, but the right amount of emotions to heighten the experience from just hedonism to something more fulfilling.
Of course, this is all speculation from someone who’s only been kissed. But really, breaking down the physical barriers and making physical contact become as acceptable as emotional connection, even raising the stakes to sensuality? It certainly has potential benefits. By making sex and physical relations more commonplace, you take away its power. It’s not as frightening, not as dramatic or damaging. It already creates closer bonds between individuals, why make those bonds be exclusive only to two people? Imagine the improved personal connections. Not to mention the hedonism itself.
Obviously there are drawbacks and risks aplenty. Pregnancy and disease, sexually transmitted or not, are both huge factors. Sexually transmitted diseases are an easier issue to discuss, because one either has one or one does not. In fact, in this state of heightened sexuality, the fear of STDs would be even more intense because if/when the presence of an STD is known, the afflicted individual would be ostracized to a greater extent than today. Sex would be a demonstration of trust between two individuals. Or the practice of sharing test results would increase, for the more skeptical. Either way, there are safeguards and precautions to be taken to prevent the threat.
But STDs are not the main problem of such a liberal society. Pregnancy is. As much as I hate to admit it, abstinence really is the only sure way. Even “The Pill” isn’t certain. So what would be done with the inevitable increase in pregnancy? Obviously one option is abortion. I’m tempted to argue that this would cause emotional damage to the patient, but then if we assume the sort of adjustments that have already been made to allow such a liberal environment in the first place, the idea that abortion should not be a source of guilt or regret isn’t too farfetched. *(see my below entry for clarification).*
What about the pregnancies that are delivered though? Obviously both parents would ideally have a say in the child’s growth, but it would seem a more “communal” take would be applied. The child would be exposed to more people and ideas, creating a more well rounded individual. It’d be interesting to see the results of such environments, at least.
Oy, I went from idle musings to a dramatic shift in society. What a ramble! I wonder if anyone can actually read that entire thing… Suffice it to say, I’m not advocating having sex with anything that moves. I'm not even saying this is my own ideal. I’m just saying that it’d be interesting to have sex play a more casual role in typical social structures. A lot of trust, precautions, and mental adjustments would have to be made, but it could morally work (everything would, of course, be between consenting adults or age-appropriate teenagers).
I’m turning into quite the hedonist. However, I suppose when I advocate sex, I’m assuming an emotional connection. Relationships would just be… heightened. And complicated. And simplified. The imagination runs wild.
Just some thoughts that lead in a myriad of directions. And to think, I wrote this entire thing without becoming physically arroused. Must be the diction…
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