Yes, all that and more. ALL of it. Darn tootin! But, what I mean to say, is that one of my biggest "regrets" about my life is that I'm not a very warm person. I'm not an eloquent speaker, much less a conversationalist. In fact, half the things I say are dark and the other half just plain stupid. Hopefully people laugh at them, but sometimes I wonder if it's a pity laugh/uncomfortable laugh rather than genuine amusement. Who knows? You do. And I don't. I also don't like not knowing what people really think. But then, I don't ask do I?
But, despite this shortcoming of social grace and poise, I still like going places with people. I look forward to going on these roadtrips we've done recently (all two or three of em). I can't invite people to my home. It's far, it's dirty, it's small, and my father just wouldn't like it. That bothers me. See, I like most people. Even the ones I dislike, I can tolerate. There are so many people I never see or meet or do things with that are probably quite interesting people who it'd be nice to get to know. And it's not even that in social environments you get to know people. You just hear a bit there, a comment there, and gradually a better image of them forms. The more you're in their presence, the more the idea of them in your head is defined. I dunno, a lot I just shrug off. But I'm quite a non-judgmental person (on individuals), and pretty much unless they're niggling or sadistic, I can tolerate them. It helps if they go along, laugh, or smile at my crazy antics or if they provide fodder to fill those gaps of silence that I loathe so much. But, the point is, if I had an ideal situation I'd just have a long list. And one day I'd just go down it and call every house until I got three or ten or thirty people saying, "If you're not doing anything tomorrow, you ought to come to my house for boardgames/movies/attack on Lithuania." Heck, I could even try to get you people to play video games. I haven't done that in forever. But it's not to be.
So, my alternatives are to use outside places as meeting sources. For instance, hopefully Mr. Petko and I will get this Gaming Club up and running and be able to use the school in lieu of my home (there are inherent problems that I don't know how to work out, we'll just have to see). But also using outside places, such as the road, the mountains, the roof of the City County Building, and prison. Tennessee's got a myriad of strange little locations that in and of themselves are boring. But if you get the right people together, almost anything becomes entertaining. I don't get to participate in the conversations on the road much (I have to put more effort than most into focusing on driving), but I generally enjoy listening. Even if it appears I'm not having a good time or get in a sour mood, it's just a passing fancy that shouldn't be taken for anything.
It's an interesting thing, me and social situations. There are times when I go absolutely wild, uninhibited and carefree. And then there are times I close up and my depression meter skyrockets (that's probably an oxymoron, go figure). But generally if people get along (and you all should be on your best behavior. If you're not, I'll pull that car over and give you all a talking to you won't soon remember!) and they actually converse it's all good. I just so loathe silence because it seems to imply people aren't having at least an amusing time and being entertained. That's one of the reasons I like driving, because I don't have to feel guilty for it. I'm pulling my weight. But still, outside the car and even inside a bit, I feel bad. I like people to be happy or the nearest feasible equivalent. Heh, maybe I kill conversations. I dunno, only one way to try to improve.
So, I just had a brilliant idea. We'll travel to all these tiny, boondockish places in Tennessee and film them. Get a few shots of us there, maybe a voice over where we mock historians, something. And then we'll put em all together in a movie "Tennessee: Land of Wonders, Thrills, and Rednecks" (that's a title still in progress, of course). But it would be great! Not only would we have a reason to go to all the boondock hills, but it'd be fun and we'd have something to show for our efforts. So, we'd just pick a place (or three), pick a day, pick a route, and call up all the people we knew to go out and have a day of adventure and exploration! It's our home state, we'd better learn about sometime! It'd also be a nice "going away" project for those of you planning on heading out of state for college and possibly the rest of your lives. A sort of "Farewell tour", if you will. We don't even have to limit ourselves to Tennessee! There's all sorts of stuff nearby. I just need people and a plan... Heh, it'll give me something to do. Or something for you to do, suggestions are welcome!
At any rate, I'd still like you to comment and provide suggestions. Most of you are out of town, though, so it's rather moot... Ah well, we'll see. Hopefully a Perse entry today. But you know they'll be something next time.
No comments:
Post a Comment