So today was the SAT. The SAT. One of the most important tests you can take in your life. I did the practice test (800 Verbal, 740 Math (silly mode, why do you taunt me?) and was feeling pretty good about my prospects. I got up on time, a bit early in fact, and got over to school. And that's when it hit me. I was being followed. The SAT aside, I made a quick turn into a local Car Washing Facility in which some manner of drug deal was going on. I didn't have time to ask for seconds as a purple dune buggy with a clown dressed in shades of orange and cyan raised his shotgun at my quivering form and the bear-in-a-tutu driver Roared with such ferocity, my car seat will never be able to remove the stain. The smell's another story.
Anyway, I dash through the parking lot and around another corner. I look backwards to see my situation. Whew, they're gone. I look forward again and think Well you sure don't see that everySWEET MOTHER OF MY FAKE LORD, IS THAT A GIANT COLUMN OF FLAME?! It was indeed a giant column of fire. As brimstone rained from the Heavens on High, I knew either Satan had come to take what was rightfully his or I left the gas on at home and Joe, our resident Hobo, had gotten a warm welcome for his smoke break. I did a 360 and sped towards downtown, the Dark Prince's monstrous form reigning over the entire city. Lightning arced through the sky, demons of all manners, breeds, and sexual orientations swooped on wings made purely from the skin of the damned (and duct tape). The anguished cries from the Firey Underworld sent shivers throughout my being, forboding an eternity to come. I could not let this stand.
I summoned an army of my Puritan ancestors and they arose in the Horizon, a fleet of tri-cornered hat wearing Angels, brandishing pitchforks, torches, and assorted Disneyland memorabilia. The demons and Puritans clashed, leaving me to take on the Prince of Darkness himself. After Ozzy was vanquished (just fed him a Big Mac, the guy has veins like oatmeal), I turned around to see Satan sipping his margarita and reading the Washington Post. "I do love a good FLAMING BALL OF FIRE in the morning," he shouted as a tossed a boulder sized ball of flame straight at me. But being the ever vigilant, observant fellow I perpetually am, I picked up a fallen tree branch that had managed to avoid the firey vortex of doomed souls, fashioned a makeshift cross, and used it to absorb the fireball and defeat Satan once and for all. And that was why I missed the SAT.
Ok, so I exaggerate a bit. In reality, I went to West instead of Bearden, rushed to Bearden (after turning the wrong way on Kingston), fumbled my way around with a janitor making unhelpful comments about my disarray and belated condition, and finally got to the room, 2minutes after they had started. My father was livid and although I laughed it off, it is a horrible feeling after having done something so ridiculous. To go home, knowing you should be somewhere else doing something else is really quite unpleasant. Not to mention I'll have to wait til September or so to take it, an immense pain in the rear.
Ah well. Dylicious irony would have it that the reasons were easily discernible. If you've taken the Pre-Test, there is a story about the human mind being able to separate important facts from chaos. The example this particular exposition gave was of a deer trail. Deer make almost imperceptible trails in the wood, and yet somehow some people can pick out minute signs and follow them. They know what to look for. Well, the same thing happened to me, but I was looking for the wrong thing. I knew it was at Bearden. I knew it. But then I talked to someone online who thought it was at West. So the doubt was planted. When I finally went and saw for myself, I saw WEST HIGH SCHOOL printed on the paper. And I thought that was that. But, in fact, that was a copy of my school. Why it was written there too is beyond me, but I won't put the blame where it's not fully deserved. But it also had "Test Center: Bearden High School." I had just ignored the "chaos" and picked out the signs I was looking for. It just so happened I was looking for the wrong thing.
So I messed up. It's not like I'm the only one who hasn't taken an SAT yet(other than the one in 7th grade). But it's still an added hassle. Nothing to be done for it now but to move on. It's probably best not to bring it up again. On the bright side, it has replaced the Beretta Obliberation as my most recent major screw-up. How that's particularly bright, I'm not quite sure. But there I am.
Moving on, the Perse entry might be delayed again. I don't really feel like doing it, and to introduce an optimistic character in a less than motivated mood isn't a wise idea. We'll see. It'll happen by Wednesday though. Until next time...
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