Heh, as a forewarning to the below post, I'm actually referring to a few of you in it in what could possibly be construed as a less than favorable light. Please don't take offense, I don't have any ill feelings or malicious intent and I'd hopefully never condemn you or your actions unless I felt they were harmful to yourself or others, I'm just making observations that I find interesting.
The day started off pretty much the same as every other day this summer. I wake up and think, "You know, I've got no real incentive to get out of bed. But I feel like I've wasted so much time sleeping late. But there's nothing to do when I get out..." etc. It's such a common problem with me, I find. I'm just not interested in many of the trivialities of life. The details, the daily events, the things that can and will be forgotten. Not only of myself, but also of others. Practically any event that's remotely ordinary I don't really care about. I actually hold a negative opinion about speaking of events and people neither of the parties represent or are concerned about. I can force myself to be somewhat interested in other's daily happenings, if that's the person's intent, but if it doesn't even involve you... I dunno. I say that, but then I see how very little I have to talk about. When you're not interested in hardly anything at all, there is very little basis for conversation. As you may have noticed, I've taken to making observations like these when I'm bored. Just mulling things about in my head and making different connections. It still doesn't make for good conversation.
So the question becomes, what does? At first I begin to think I'm just an uninteresting person with nothing of any import to say, but then I remember a conversation is two ways. The other person doesn't have all that much either. And I think it's a problem. A problem I'm not exactly sure how to handle. And it gets to the root of a larger issue that I see plaguing me all summer. I'm just not interested in much. I have this delusional idea that life should be interesting, that people should have things to talk about and do all the time. But when I'm put in many social situations, I find that's not the case. I'll give you two examples that I thought were rather interesting. Now, like I said, I like you all. I hardly dislike anyone, and as long as you're not cruel/sadistic/personally invasive you're fine in my book. If you're reading my blog, it's a very safe assumption I like you. I may not show it, but I do care for ya all. So please don't let anything I say offend you.
When we went to Pigeon Forge, I had two separate, distinct groups riding with me. On the way up I had Abby, Caitlin, David, and Derek. It was nice, because they always talked. There wasn't any silence. I loathe silence. I may not particularly appreciate what they talk about, as it often breaches the above mentioned conversation areas, but I do think I prefer it to silence. And then, on the way back, I had Morgan, Ellen, and Cory. And it was quiet. Not all the time, but for a good part of the time, there wasn't much talking. And it grinds my nerves. I feel like people aren't enjoying themselves, are uncomfortable, and feel akward. At least I do.
So what does that mean? The only times I have good conversations seem to be when I start imagining and making things up. Or when I have fodder, like a book/movie/current event to philosophize/ridicule. Even just ordinary actions, I'll make dark imaginary continuations of them. But with no firm basis for conversation... Eh, look at the two above situations. Neither optimal, neither absymal. Gotta make a call somewhere. Heh, my indecisiveness will be discussed later, as my deadline is nearing. Until next time, stay safe, be careful, and be happy!
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