To write a poem on Faith someday. It's a quality I sorely lack. I suppose it comes from my traditional individuality where I depend only on myself, emotionally, for support. I dunno... I just have a hard time believing assertions that have doubts cast upon them. Even the tiniest doubt, and I plummet into a hole of insecurity and paranoia. Things that I can't truely know, that I can see ways around, I have a hard time believing. This makes it difficult for others to continually make me believe them, because I'm well aware of how fast people can change. So while I believe, immediately, most anything people (who have given me no reason to distrust them) say, that belief doesn't last long for I fear the person's feeling shall fade almost minutes after they've stated it. I need almost constant reassurance on matters that are truly important to me. And not lackluster or trite claims, but fervent declarations. I just can't have continual faith in things I can never know without proof constantly provided. Opinions, viewpoints, and people can change without me knowing or recognizing (for oblivious is certainly an apt term for me). It's a horrible weakness. Kelly called it a "defense mechanism" because I'm too paranoid to put much trust in others. I dunno, I'll trust others with temporal tasks, but in matters of heart and spirit I suppose that's apt. So to those who I doubt, who I question, who I fail because I can't believe them I'm sorry. You'll have to deal with it probably forever. I'm just ... me.
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