Momma just killed

30 minutes talking to me about college. Another in a long stream of conversations aimed at trying to get to me "realize my potential." Similiar to the "eat more" argument, nothing much resulted. It is interesting to wonder what might have happened if determinism hadn't raped my poor naive soul and stolen my ambition and most of my joys. Perhaps I'd be applying to some prestigious universities on a track to dramatically change and/or better the world. Or perhaps I'd be boring, monotonous, and doomed to a stressful, difficult, and thoroughly unrewarding future. Who knows, maybe I already am! Surely not though. Like with my eating predicament, I just have different priorities from most people. Grand accomplishments don't sound all that enticing. Large salaries seem wasted on such a staunch anti-materialist. A high quality education would be like dumping gold in a bathtub in the hope it will turn into a vault. I'd retain it for a few years, but eventually it'd all go down the drain. No, my only goals are to entertain myself and affect others. And when you're required to be in contact with someone for around an hour and a half a day for 90days, you're bound to rub off just a bit on some people. At least one can hope.

Ah, idle Friday nights. The most depressing night of the week. I have work that could be done, but no pressure to do it. I can drive, I could do something, but I don't really want to. I dunno. Depression's hold is tenuous at best, nowadays. It's more of a superficial feeling, something that weighs down, but does not suffocate. There's that pleasantly warm force trying to push its way through, but it's had its share of glory this week. The depression will have to stick around for a bit before being cast off once again. Maybe it's all this depressing music... sad songs are pretty, but they aren't all that great for your mental health. Oh, here's a good choice! The Partridge Family's "Come on Get Happy!" Yes, I'm a dork. But I'm a happier person for it! Wait, it's only one minute... "I THINK I LOVE YOU!" That's a song that more people should listen too... What am I so afraid of? Honestly, I don't know. I can take most anything. I may as well enjoy whatever I have now. "Doesn't somebody want to be wanted like me?" I'm sure they do. And I have my suspicions... This is almost a train of thought exercise. Even though it takes you 2 seconds to read the sentence that encompasses 2 or 3 minutes. Intriguing, no? "I woke up in love this morning. Went to sleep with you on my mind." Sleep and love... Let's resume that dream some other time... Oh, here's an old favorite. Roy Orbison. The Big O. Right now, it's "Penny Arcade", a neat little song that hardly anyone has ever heard. I like it though. "Step up and Play, these machines seem to say"... Sounds applicable to Mr. Ross, eh? Come on 7's, Daddy needs a new mocha latte! They are ever so expensive, you know. Roy's got some pretty sad songs, though. Loneliness, heartbreak... He's a companion for some other time. Not a very pleasant other time, I might add, so not wanting to listen to Roy is probably a good thing. "I am a Rock, I am an Island." This island's been raided by Pirates, I'm afraid. Not required anymore either... Hmm... Whoa! I have "Day-O!" Who knew? Me and my library CDs... I get so many, I copy em to the computer, I forget about them, and then.... there they are! "Daylight and I want to go home." Heh, there's not much daylight anymore. It's almost depressing. Primo-poem material, I'm sure. Another night maybe. This is a non-depressing night, though. So... let's skip on up to "Here Comes the Sun" (dootin do do). Ah, the Beatles. I'm not asm much of a die-hard fan as my sister, but they certainly do have their moments. Many of them, in fact. Speaking of sun's, let try "Early in the Morning" by Peter, Paul, and Mary, since I'll be up early tomorrow (silly oboe lessons. Why do you continue to taunt me?). Hmm... "Paradise" by Jim Ringer. A peculiar folk song. It's got that sort of nostalgic, epic feel. "Daddy won't you take me back to Mulenberg County, down by the green river where paradise lay. I'm sorry my son, but you're too late in askin', Mr. Peabody's coal train just hauled it away." It's beautiful, like sad songs are. But mellowing. It has to be tempered, or I'll end in tears. Or at least wishes. Wishes are my tears, I suppose. But that's a poem for another day too. I need some religion tonight. "Eternal Day" by some church group in Alabama in the 50's. The words aren't really distinguishable, but the fervor and feeling behind it make it worth listening to. It's powerful in a strong way, not a melancholy, pleasant way. Not "beautiful", but charging. For a more... peaceful tune, I turn to "Cercate Il Suo Volto." It has the words of John Paul II accompanied by music. He's not singing, but he has a sort of kind, hopeful, knowing voice that makes him pleasant to listen to. Ah, dear me. Religion should be about kindness, hope, and calming. It's a shame Hell has to get involved. Now for something a bit more upbeat... Weird Al's "I Lost on Jeopardy." He certainly did. "Against a plumber and an architect, both with a PhD." I watched Amy on Jeopardy and was still amazed even though she did lose. That sort of presence of mind and knowledge... you academic kids are crazy! Speaking of which, I'd better end up tonight so why not with "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" by the Darkness, who really aren't all that dark. "Touching you, touching me." How apt for me. "I want to kiss you every minute, every hour, every day." That doesn't leave much time to sleep, eat, or work does it? Doesn't sound very hygenic either. Hmm. I wonder how many of you are still with me and aren't skimming and/or finished by now. If you stuck around, congratulations! You win me listening to crazy rock music. Because I think that's the greatest prize of all. Meh, on second thought, I'd better temper this with some Don McLean. *sigh* "And I Love You So." Yes, that's right. He wrote something other than "American Pie" that was good. So I guess that knowledge alone is prize enough? "But I don't let the evening get me down. Now that you're around me." Good idea, Don. This evening's not getting me down any longer! And that, ladies and gents, is how I went from depressed to ready for a night of nothing with a positive, happy attitude! Maybe some of you can follow the example. I hope you will. Wow, this is the longest paragrah I've written, I dare say. It must have been hard to read. So more kudos for you! I could separate the text, but then it would lose that modernist charm. Ain't Modernism great? "And people ask me how, how I've lived til now. I tell them I don't know." I don't know either Don. I just don't know.