Today on the way home from eating I had one of my first real conversations with my mother. It's rather odd; I've lived with her my entire 18 years, I've never really been intimidated by her and there are qualities within her and her father that I greatly admire and would love to emulate. But never have I asked in depth about some of her personal life. So tonight as we were coming home, I asked her. Mainly times and dates to try to get a feel for things. For instance, my grandmother met my grandfather when she was 19 and he was 25 in the 1940s. They went on only a few dates before they were married (my grandfather was in the Merchant Marines so he had to travel a lot). She was organized, worried about money, and a tad stern. He was amiable, threw money away like trash (he still does, as anyone who has seen my room may notice), and quite easy-going. Yet they remained married until she died in the late 70s. My mother met my father when she came back to our beloved K-town because her mother was ill. They dated for half a year before moving in together. A year after that they were married.
Here's where that whole "hindsight is 20/20" thing comes in. Apparently, my father was quite the Romantic. He sent her two dozen roses the first week they were dating. He wrote her love notes, poems, read poems, and was generally one of "those" fellows (somewhat to my chagrin). She was quite overwhelmed. The strangest thing of all was that he was quite the partier in his day (I just can't imagine it now. He seems to hardly ever do anything like that nowadays). He already had a bit of an alcohol problem, a factor that to this day causes some problems and is possibly the biggest contributing factor to my Puritanism (through things he's done and said, most not fit for the mixed company that views this crazy little journal).
Then my mother had some insight into marriage. Money seemed to be a big source of conflict. It would seem in many relationships that one person is a spender and one a saver. For instance, my grandmother was thrifty, my grandfather could care less. My mother doesn't worry about it too much, and at times my father either seems obsessed with not spending or the exact same way. Also, child rearing would appear to be where you really learn about a person, especially their upbringing. Attention is focused on the child and parents can have quite different views on how the process should go. My father is pervicacious in much of the area, my mother devoted but passive, so he had quite an effect on the way I'd treat my children. I think. Much can change in a few years, heck even a few days about a person so who knows?
I know it's not that interesting to you (unless you're into psychology in which case you're probably alerting the FBI to stop me from slowly poisoning my father with arsenic and cloning a younger version of my mother, you sick Freudos you...), but to me it provides a good perspective on their actions and backgrounds. So here it is, just for my records. I wonder if I'll be the same in 30 years. I know I won't. But I'd like to maintain my humor, my compassion (hopefully more defined and overt by that time), and my willingness to listen. If I can keep those three things, I'll be pretty well off. It also makes me wonder if I'll get married. It doesn't seem so far out there, now that I'm not so afraid of falling victim to my parents' fate. I know a bit more of what to look for and what to prevent. Ah, the future. So close, yet so far. And as soon as it's here, it's flung into the past. Heh, I wonder if my kids, if I even have kids, will read this. It's almost surreal... If you do, sorry about the poetry. Your mom probably has a lot more, unless I've convinced her to burn them yet. Oh, yeah, I also know what you did last Thursday. I'll forgive you, but please don't do it again. I can only pay bail so many times. Love ya!
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