Norm!

Yes, the rally cry of that wonderful vintage sitcom "Cheers!" I think "Cheers" is sort of an impossible ideal. At least it is for me. For those unaware, "Cheers" was about a bar in Boston. But it was a sitcom, focused on the interactions of the various "regulars", the owner, and the waitresses. But the relevant event here is when one particular regular entered and the entire bar cried "Norm!" (because his name, of course, was Norm Peterson). I'd really like that sort of acceptive base. The feeling that I have a firm, solid support from a group of people who I can count on to be there everyday. I have friends now, but I'm not very good at keeping things going. My conversations sadly drift into unpleasant obscurity, my mad projects end in dissatisfaction and failure, and my friends fade into my past to eventually be forgotten. I can't say I've ended one in anger or over some overblown drama, but I know of quite a few that sort of dissipitated into the annuls of time. I'm sure it's happened to you. Friends from middle school, past classes, whatever that you just don't contact. But I rarely contact anyone period. I don't call, I don't write, I don't go out and do things. I will IM though, but usually only if I have something to say.

But what I want is normality. I want to be able to walk into that sort of warm environment everyday. Or at least a few times a week. It's sort of like the bandroom after school (Heh, I even tried the "NORM!" thing in the mornings freshman year, but it didn't pan out well). Unfortunately that'll be a bit ruined now, but it'll still be around in a somewhat diminished form. I want the board game club to be sort of like Cheers though. You walk in, you're familiar with everyone or you meet a few new people, you get together, you talk, you have fun. It's a solid, permanent environment but it's not brutally demanding. You stay as long as you want (til last call), hang out but have a purpose, and it'll be there next week.

When I'm able, I want to come home at night and have a support base. I want to have a place to relax with friends after work, to discuss, kick back, and hang out. Then I want to go home and find a lapdog or two, a pile of papers, maybe a book (reading and writing, hopefully heh), and a good feeling of inner peace. A "wife" (common law or legal) is rather doubtful, but we'll see if I fall in that concealed pittrap in college or not. Anyway, I'd also like friends. I mean real friends. The type that really know you and you really know them. The type that constantly associate with you. I suppose I've got that in some of you guys, but I'm not sure. I have storybook desires that I know are incomplete and impractical. I guess it's because I don't lean on people so I don't feel like I have the support, even though it's there. I have little reason to lean, which I suppose is a good thing, but I've little reason to get close to people. I like listening and at least attempting to help, and a few people do take advantage of it, but...meh. I'm too high-strung for all that. Too many imagined and neglected responsibilities.

I'm just a walking contradiction. College can't end soon enough...