Lightning Strikes Again

Lightning! Thunder! New blog colors! Oh my! Heh, well, anyway... Posts have been a tad scarce
lately, I guess because I haven't really been motivated. A crisis of faith I suppose (funny story, actually; I was reading Hamlet and thought 'Gee, the combined essay would be better about a crisis of faith than the death of the father!' Then I remembered/realized that the Father=God so the death of the father is the death of faith. I felt dirty. Ah well, one book down, two to go...). nyway, back to me whining. I suppose I could do the normal blog thing and write about my
day. You know, like other people do. But I read those and don't find them particularly intriguing. They're interesting, at least when there's some complaints/conflict but plain journal entries with no or little insight seem rather boring. Whether they're preferable to angst/depressed/foolish rants on nothing but existence is hard to say. I'd rather read that than "Today I saw a bird. It was pretty. Pretty birdy, fly with me, take me up into your tree. We'll build a nest way up high and from up there I'll look down and sigh about the silly movements of the silly peoples down below. Below they walk in ones and twos, wear reds and blues in brand new shoes, and I find myself trapped with no escape, a formless shape in a bloblike mold of society's machinelike tread. I'd rather be dead." Actually, I'd find that interesting. But "I saw a bird" alone, not so much. It helps to know the person too. However, when I read something I'm intrigued by, I respond. It takes some work, I know. You feel like you're exposing yourself, ready to be ridiculed on all ends. But once you do it a few times, it's not so bad. I like communication. Leave some constructive comments, or just plain comments in general. I do on the two blogs I read (and would on the others, if I had any). I dunno, I guess since this is one big expose of the dregs of the teenage experience it's not easy to read or easy to comment on. I find it hard to believe you don't have an opinion, but I can understand your unwillingness to relate it. Don't be afraid, I won't bite. I'll appreciate you for it :).

You see, all most of us are looking for is a bit of encouragement. Steady encouragement, but it doesn'thave to be overwhelming. I try to encourage when I think I need to. I try to compliment, even though it often doesn't occur to me. But a response to know the world isn't cold and ncaring... is that too much to ask? When you respond, we get interesting things like the DnD of life. When you don't, you get nothing. Pretty easy, in my book. Ah well. I suppose I'm also a tad disheartened because I'm putting off my reading. It's a constant weight on me, but I don't do it. I can't rationalize any big projects, but I can do lots of small stuff to grind away that oh so valuable ore of the future into the dust of time.

Actually, of note, I went to talk to UT's Honors Rep. He was a nice guy, the program didn't sound that bad. If I can get a scholarship or two to pay for my expenses, UT wouldn't be that bad an option. Andy likes it, and if it's good enough for Andy then it's probably going to be tolerable for me! I'll go to Maryville sometime soon. Hopefully I'll get a good impression.

And the AP scores came today. 4 in Chemistry and Stats, 5 in US History and English. Not too surprising, but still disappointing. Well, UT accepts 4's so I guess a 5 is a bit redundant. Oh, and I made a 31 on my ACT (33 in English, 32 in Reading, 30 in Math, 27 in Science) in case I didn't tell you. Again, it's those strange signals. I get better scores in English than Math. Maybe things will look up next time I take it. A 31 isn't too bad, but it's still not that great. If only I hadn't
missed the SAT... Ah well. Maybe they'll be enough to encourage me to write when I get job. "Missing Mr. Mandius" might become a reality! One can only hope.

At any rate, once I get clearance that you've all read through Perse, I'll get around to continuing it. At the moment, it seems people have lost interest in the summer. When school starts, I should be busy busy busy! And remind me to email Mr. Petko about the gaming club. How's this for a motto : "The West High Gaming Club: Procrastination in Style. Eh, I still need a better title. Boards for the Bored, Cards for the Cards is another good motto, but not a suitable title. We'll see. I don't even know if it'll work. Anyway, the storm's over. Time for some computer games! Maybe I'll update "The Dream" tomorrow... Heh, you won't know til then though. And neither will I. Farewell!