Inspiration

What luck! It would appear I've attained the computer when it's not occupied by another user. Write with a pen you say? Never! Well, sometimes. But it's just not my "thing."

Anyway, it is indeed a momentous event when I am struck by a muse, be it in the stomach, heart, soul, or kidneys, and I'm actually able to convey it into some medium allowing me to perhaps someday remember whatever frivilous half-truths I've discovered. How does such an epiphany happen? Oh, numerous ways. A setting, a phrase, an emotion, boredom. Often it strikes during movies when the full-on escape slips a bit due to lack of complete immersion. I have ideas, plans, get inspired and things start looking a bit up. Of course, soon enough I'll fall back in the cess pool I crawled out of, but that's irrelevant at the moment. No, now I have to tell you oh revelations, plans, and hopelessness.

You see, I've always struggled with greatness. Or lackthereof. As I've mentioned, it's a combination of envy, inferiority, and desire for some sort of purpose. I can go the nihilistic route, watering all accomplishment down to triviality, and it seems to make things a bit bearable. But nihilism is no way to live. It's not even a good way to die. Thus, I force myself to award praise where praise is due. But that, in turn, forces me to feel unpraised. However, I think I've come up with a way to cope.

You see, people like me serve a valuable purpose. Well, I say "people like me", but I suppose I mean anyone who tries. Anyone who reaches for the stars for no better reason than because they can. Everyone can reach. Few can actually grasp. But are the failures no less important than the successes? To fail is to have tried, and to try is to have a probability of success. There can be no success without failure.

I don't know, in some ways it seems we all have responsibilities. If there is even a minute chance that we could achieve something "great" (and by great I mean inspiring, moving, beneficial) then we should try our hardest to do it. Think of the tragedy of an unwritten masterpiece. The pallid silence of an uncomposed song. The bland dullness of an unpainted artwork. The chances of you having such a thing stored somewhere inside of you? Minute to an unbelievable degree. But there is a chance. If there is a chance that you could achieve something to a "great" extent, take it. If you fail, you at least rolled the die. If you fail, you can rest easily knowing that you have attempted. There should be no disappointment in failing after trying. No, but perhaps "failure" is not the correct term. You have "not succeeded." The only way to truly fail is to not try. What if Dvorak had said, "You know, the New World's pretty passe. It doesn't need it's own symphony. But we can always use another accountant!"? What if Joseph Heller had thought, "You know, I hate to love writing, so I won't begin before I quit." What if plenty of people had not tried, had given up, had decided it's too much work. Even worse, think of all we've lost by those who haven't. Imagine all the wonders, all the almost divine creations that were aborted in the mental womb because an individual had doubt.

The same can be the opposite, though. Imagine all the horrors that have been averted by someone waking from a deluded dream. Imagine the monstrosities a corrupted mind would fathomed into twisted realizations if they had not lost their inspiration. Well, to that I say make yours a good one. Have the right reasons, help all people while hurting none. You may make mistakes, just realize them and improve. Constantly strive to achieve because you might just actually do it. As long as you try, you've done all that can be expected of you. All of your detractors can decry your less than perfect creations that didn't quite make the cut. They don't matter. Don't commit the crime of apathy.

Heh, I'm as silly when I'm optimistic and inspiring as I am when I'm pessimistic and desolate. Ah well. It certainly feels better trying to be positive. At any rate, my inspiration was two fold. You see, I have this idea that no facet of reality is of any greater worth than any other. From saints to sinners, celebrities to no-bodys, successes to failures they all form the framework of existence that enables every other aspect. What does it mean? Should we languish in contentment, nursing the knowledge that we as individuals are already fulfilling our purpose, we need only let those with a will find a way? Perhaps. But if you've a chance to fulfill a prophecy of positive benefit to others, who are you to stop yourself? See, I don't think enough people realize how valuable they are. The "cult of celebrity" is like a splotch on humanity. It creates the false impression that some people deserve reverence. In fact, all people deserve it. All people have potential and effect others. Hopefully you're enlightened enough to make that a positive effect.

So I want to write that in a novel. Write a regular, story-ish approach for the first part. Then form sort of an omnipotent life form that watchs its' effects on humanity til the end of time. Then a bizarre death sequence, written in the illogical style of that "Fantasy" entry I wrote earlier. And then have the entire thing start over and fade away. I'd like to do that. I think I'll try it. A book supporting every man's worth that hits nihilism over the head with an overweight tuna. I'd like to. My mileage may vary. But hopefully I'll try.

And thus, my entry comes to a close. It's a shame I won't succeed. But failures are just as important as successes. I guess that makes them successes too. It's all relative :).