WE ARE NIHILISTS! WE BELIEVE IN NOTHING!

TEN random things about me
01. I enjoy the finer things in life, such as ambivalence.
02. I think, therefore I DANCE!
03. I AM HARRY TRUMAN!
04. I don't hate puppies, I just feel they're unnecessary.
05. I hate the city of Des Moines.
06. I stole your kidney.
07. In the past, I have attempted murder. Murder mostly foul.
08. If I was a rich man, I would consider investing in the Turkish lyra.
09. Toaster oven.
10. I'm not really Harry Truman.

NINE ways to win my heart
01. Avoid mentioned the word "bloviate."
02. Get a perfect score on ski-ball.
03. Tell me I'm prettier than your cat.
04. Stop yelling.
05. Help me overthrow the Liberian government, again.
06. Bring me William Shatner's left eye.
07. Lose miserably in everything you do.
08. Don't destroy the things I am moderately attached to.
09. Kill me and have a really sharp knife.

EIGHT things I want to do before I die
01. Throw eggs at George McGovern's car.
02. End Alberta.
03. Smile without causing someone intense pain.
04. Lose 10 more pounds.
05. Finally find out how Little Caesar's makes large pizzas for only $5.
06. Distribute multiple comeuppances.
07. Receive $5 from a hobo, voluntarily.
08. Save Christmas.

SEVEN things I believe in
01. Cancer.
02. Victory!
03. Indiana.
04. Your imminent demise.
05. Mold.
06. Tuna.
07. Lying about believing in Indiana.

SIX things that get me mad (or annoyed/paranoid/frustrated)
01. Lead poisoning.
02. Domination (either kind).
03. POWER.
04. Poisoned lead.
05. Your constant beratements about my pantsfree lifestyle.
06. The progression of time.

FIVE things I'm afraid of
01. Charlston Heston's cold dead hands.
02. NIHILISM!
03. Blank spaces.
04.
05. AAAHHHHHHHH!

FOUR of my fave items in my room
01. My finger collection.
02. Bribe money.
03. Cocaine dispenser.
04. Your thoughts.

THREE things I do everyday
01. Consider putting on pants.
02. Exist, at least twice.
03. Decide pants are, indeed, unnecessary.

TWO things I need to do right now
01. Stop.
02. Thank You.

ONE person I want to see right now
01. Walter Fricking Mondale.