Yesterday. Yesterday was quite an unpleasant day. One of the most unpleasant days I've had in some time. Most of it stems from lack of sleep (I stayed up til 1, woke up around 6:30 or so), and since I don't eat, that's not much energy to work off of. That, plus the deficiency throughout the week, leads to a cranky, jerk-ish Dylan. Now, I know, I'm ornery most of the time. But when I just lay on verbal abuse, even when it's mostly feigned, it makes me severely chastise myself in retrospect. Ah well.
But lack of sleep wasn't the only problem. You see, I got so tired or depressed or apathetic or something that I developed a case of "selective acknowledgement." I would only acknowledge certain aspects of reality. So, when I went to take my Spanish quiz, I conveniently ignored the advice to remember certain tidbits of knowledge vital to my success. But my Spanish grade won't suffer over one subpar quiz. What will suffer is my abysmal performance yesterday in Chemistry. On the optomistic side, my grade in the class will drop from a 96 to a 92. It was very bad. I actually put "magic" for one of my answers, in frustration. The worst part was that it could have been somewhat averted. I just simply subconsciously ignored Mrs. Sayers saying we only had 25 or so minutes to do the test. So I started and thought "This isn't too bad." Then she said "5 minutes left" and I had finished 6. That bad. I also chose to ignore the advice of what to study for our equilibrium quiz and jumped right in. And by in, I mean down down down.
If I applied this affliction to other areas of my life, I might decide that fire did not harm me and promptly procede to completely encase myself in fire because it was a tad chilly. Or I would convenietly forget that other cars are made of solids and not gases, promptly plowing into an 18wheeler because I saw a shiny quarter lieing on the side of the interstate. That sort of train wreck. Things like that would not happen in Math. Surely not... Although Statistics has me questioning even that.
But that leads to an important topic, forgetfulness. I consider myself pretty absent minded. The only way I remember things is if they're sources of stress which really doesn't lead to a healthy mental state. But you already knew that. I suppose the topic I'm thinking of is more than forgetfulness, though. It's becoming so involved in something that everything else gets warped out of perspective and loses meaning. For instance, those quizzes and tests. In the long run, they don't matter (that's a dangerous road in and of itself). But at the moment, they took a hold of me and weighed me down. It's the same with all my pyschological buffers. I put them up so I can somehow achieve some super-human command over base emotions like rage and envy, but I gradually forget them and fall victim in the aftermath. Envy, especially, has been a problem. I try not to compare myself to other people, because school should not be about competition and should only be a personal test with personal goals. And yet, any success of others I merely reflect as a failure of myself. I suppose it's not really envy, just disappointment and further compounding my inferiority complex. I dunno, I confuse myself...
Anyway, back to things that might pertain to you. Seeing as how some people have taken to not shouldering their Anarchy Blog posting responsibilities, I've finally created my free fall blog. I know the reasons some of us have for not postig on Anarchy, and I understand, but when you want to do some creative character writing now, you need to be able to do it! Thus, I introduce to you, www.evilandgood.blogspot.com . It's got a more modern theme, the details of which are in the invite and first entry. I'm not very good at being truely evil and dark(not very good at anything, really, but being evil even less so), but I'll give it a shot. ANYONE interested should IM or email me and I'll invite you, no strings attached. Post once, post a thousand times. Have fun. That's all I ask. So please let me know. That's all, until next time...
No comments:
Post a Comment