Blame it on the Butterfly.

Well, a bit of an explanation of the poem (In other words, SPOILERS STOP READING!!!). It alludes to what's known as "Chaos Theory" which a theory that states if a butterfly flaps it's wings in Japan, two weeks later there will be a hurricane in Argentina, or something to that effect. Thus, the effects of a butterfly can, theoretically, drastically alter all our lives. In one sense I believe in it, according to the effects of a changed variable. But being a determinist, the butterfly has about as much choice as anyone else.

I don't really mind. David brought up an interesting point though. I almost wrote it as a quasi-satire, and it is depending on what mood I'm in. I mean, you're blaming your problems on a tiny little bug. It's a bug! It has no control over things, only you do! On the other hand, it has all the control in the world. Just a tiny switch in a variable and all of a sudden, everything's different. It's absolutely mindboggling to consider the sheer number of infinite possibilities. So many worse, so many better. If only...

I sometimes picture these different realities, as I'm sure you do. If I was smarter, faster, better, more talented. Loved. Loving. You know the drill. The funny thing is, though, that David's partially right. If you want something enough, act on it. But my sedentariness is for a reason. If I really wanted something, I'd go after it. But I don't because I've decided it's not worth the risk. All of this is about analyzing risk and reward. But it's the sort of thing you can't treat with logic and I do. So I have to accept the unfortunate side of the whole debacle. But it's better than some alternatives.

The best way I've heard of relationships is from Woody Allen in some movie. He told this "joke" about a guy who goes to a psychiatrist. And the guy says "I'm not really that crazy, but my brother is. He thinks he's a chicken." The psychiatrist says, "Well why don't you bring your brother in?" And the guy says, "Because we need the eggs." Woody goes on to say how that's how relationships are. Irrational, completely nonsensical. But we need the eggs. Well, I'm trying to do without any fictional eggs. My soul has to starve and salivate a little, but I don't have to deal with as much nonsense. It's counterintuitive in an entirely intuitive way. Fun stuff.

So I've got a nice future planned. It seems peaceful enough. Not exactly entertaining and lovely, but peaceful and enough to make me content. But I think about what would have happened if that butterfly had flapped once more. So many things could be different. I could be happy. Or I could be sad. I'm neither. Go figure.

By the way, "Blame it on the Butterfly" would be an awesome T-shirt. It's catchy, has a great message, and everything. Somebody get on to producing that. I'll go think of more until next time...