My teachers need to give me more homework that's due tomorrow. If I end up with too little that needs to be done immediately, I go off and do stupid things like writing "poetry," as this may loosely be called. Although it was a kind of neat idea. I didn't initially plan on it, but as I was thinking on it, I decided that the two philosophies that seem to give me the most trouble are romanticism and nihilism (not exactly accurate to call it that, but it's the closest thing I can think of). The two forces are often equated by me as heart and mind and seem to be in a constant struggle to conquer my soul. So in anticipation for my possible split personalities I went and named these forces based on poetical allusions as represented in the two poems (the other being "The King and I" found below which you youth legislators will have missed and may want to read first). The heart is Annabel, or "Anna", from Poe's "Annabel Lee", representing feeling, Love, caring, and romanticism. The mind is Ozymandius, or "Ozy", representing apathy, detachment, and pointlessness. The soul is Dyl, representing, uh, puppy kicking.
Really, Anna and Ozy make a sort of "Odd Couple to the Extreme" scenario, which might actually be a pretty interesting sitcom (hehe, maybe an idea for a future entry...). It's rather amusing for me to put it in this light, because you can see a bouncy little girl named Anna running around,getting into trouble, and doing all sorts of stuff and a dark, forboding, apathetic old man Ozzy who yells at all the young whipper-snappers to keep quiet so as to not interrupt his shuffleboard time.
But this comical representation is just a guise for two quite sinister forces. Both do have their benefits, Ozy's being no pain, Anna's being a chance for happiness and joy. But alone, each are inherently flawed and doomed to failure. Ozymandius (or the philosophy he represents) would end in morbid desolation, tired of the endless sea of sand to the point that such purposelessness is unbearable. Or rather, there's no reason to bear it. Similarly, Annabel would want to confess and scream every single emotion and whim that struck or lightly tapped her. This would result in three-fold destruction in that the strain from rejection, sadness, and grief, not to mention the close to bursting power of joy and ecstasy would sink/consume her; she probably couldn't stand the superficiality of anyone or thing and instead of suffering disillusionment that everyone didn't think of life as the highest apex of emotion and experience, she'd have to drown herself; and others couldn't tolerate such an exhibition of emotion and feelings because restraint is a respected quality in our society and people's insecurities and true feelings often make others uneasy about themselves, and the reminder is too painful to bear.
Thus, the two philosophies would each result in destruction. Now I'm more of an "Ozybel" or "Annamandius" with a few other paths floating around in that warped, twisted, foolish mess that is my mind. But when I was examining my future and reality, it did occur to me that when I approached either side of the spectrum, death seemed to be the only answer. Anna needs Ozy's rational judgment and "buffer" effect, so that each slight isn't an assault upon her very essence; too "put things into perspective", so to speak. And Ozy needs Anna to have some reason to go on, for some reason to continue to exist period. Thus, in the middle I can take most anything that comes.
However these two "philosophies" don't want to coexist. They won't take compromise for an answer. So they constantly struggle for superiority. When I lean towards one a bit, I call upon the other to comfort me, which in turn plunges me deeper into their side, which as we know is really depression, and I have to use the other to bail me out and I end up only falling further. It's similiar to a sine graph (That's sine, from precalculus; basically a rollercoaster) with progressively greater altitudes (heights). The only way to survive is to not look to either, but to rest solely upon the equillibrium of the two (meaning where both are treated equally and balance each other out). Essentially force them coexist. And, of course, that results in "varying results."
That's about it. I just find it rather remarkable that either method, fully caring or not caring at all, result in the same logical solution. Two radically differing philosophies with the same effects. There's probably a message somewhere in that. But I got into that mess by thinking, so I'm going to let you figure it out. Maybe I should just do drugs. No one would be able to tell the difference. That is, until next time....
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