Well, I think I successfully wasted the entire day off doing next to nothing. Overall, pretty much what I expected. Now if I could only develop the skill of sleeping late, I'd be set. Unfortunately, I seem to lack the ability to fall back asleep once I wake up in the morning (morning mean sun is up). It's rather unfortunate, possibly contributing to my recent experiences of deprivation of energy (a combination of malnourishment, lack of sleep, the adjustment my eyes have to make from years of glasses to focusing differently from contacts, and the fact that I have to pull all my energy, including any positiveness from some source like a "soul") which result to a chronic slow down of brain functions around Chemistry everyday. It's a strange little phenomenom and makes me go a bit crazy every afternoon. Ok, so it's not only in the afternoon, but it's a bit more frenzied then!
Otherwise, things are going well. Occasionaly breaching wonderful and fantastic. It's a tad disturbing, but it's certainly an improvement of the previous situation of misery followed by brief elation, then more misery. Once you realize that depression, sadness, and despair are such worthless emotions, it's just matter of pushing them away. Be happy because you want to be happy, you don't need any other reasons. Sounds easy, eh? It normally is, surprisingly enough, but when I feel myself slipping back into the chasm, I just tap into Hope and I rocket back to the surface.
With misery generally taken care of, I can move on to figuring out other things. It's a peculiar thing, my mind. When I'm trying to analyze my beliefs, those core ideas that make up my moral system and what I stand for, it can be rather difficult. I "forget" a lot about why I believe certain things, so it just becomes a matter of course to believe then. Then they get twisted around and mangled to the point that I act and believe things that, when analyzed, I see are wrong and not what I'd like to be. I suppose that's what one gets for trying to constantly improve one's outlook while simultaneously worrying about all sorts of silly things and depriving oneself of most of the essentials of existence. I suppose my poor memory and retaining skills are also part of the reason I have a hard time "pulling things together." As you may have noticed, I'm not the most linear of writers. I'm sporadic and verbose, rambling from who knows where to knows where who. I suppose it makes me "dynamic", but the core of your being isn't exactly the sort of thing you want to constantly change.
I suppose it happens to everyone. If it didn't, we'd all be speaking like babies and probably not exist period. But it certainly seems like my inability to keep even myself straight leads to general confusion and mental anarchy. Needless to say, it can become rather trying and leads to me doing and saying things that I fundamentally disagree with, but don't realize for some time. For instance my psycho analysis has certainly applied in the past and partially in the present, but to what extent I'm not really sure. I've created a situation for myself where I have plenty of integrity to everyone but myself. Good fun for all, I suppose.
I believe I've gotten over my aversion to driving more than one person (as per the legal limit) in the form of civil disobedience. I disagree with the law, and as says Thoreau I shouldn't follow it. If I do get caught, it'll be simply dylicious to explain that I did it because it's what I learned in school. The relevance of this is that I've passed one obstacle to a mountain expedition. The others being direction, logistics, time, people, and a justification in my mind as to why I can't just walk in circles on a track for four hours instead of such a vast excursion. All easy enough to overcome. We simply must do something over the break. Either mountains or wraslin'. Maybe both...
And on one final note, I'll be starting the free-fall story sometime soon, this weekend or spring break. If you want in you absolutely must contact me. You all know you want to. It's good, clean, diabolical fun. Really. It is.
And on that note, I'll bid you farewell and a pleasant weekend. Until next time...
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