It's Your Fault!

Yes, as I witnessed the majesty of my mother voting for someone who now has no chance at even getting the chance to be beaten by George Bush (Howard Dean, not Kucinich, for those concerned), I was reminded of my own candidate for the Gilded Age elections (but he'll run for anything).

Bubba McBubberson's campaign slogan was "It's Your Fault." Certainly the most honest candidate in the race, Bubberson is probably also the first and only candidate to ever run solely so he can be a bum. He is staunchly anti-assasination, anti-moving, anti-campaigning, very pro tariff (something's got to pay for him and all his expensive tastes like whiskey and shotguns), and anti-baby kissing (do you honestly know where those things have been?). Yes, Bubba would be so abysmal as a president we've gone ahead and labeled him an anarchist because that's what will come of his administration.

So you may be asking yourself, why should I vote for Bubba? In response to his opposition, Mr. Bubberson has been known to lie back, spit out a bit o' tobacco and say, ever so sweetly, "Shut Up. You're Wrong." Mr Bubberson's reasoning? Well, most of his opponents seem to think that he's a big fat idiot who only wants the country to work for him. In fact, they have some idea that they are actually doing their country a service by leading it. Mr. Bubberson knows that this is a straight out lie. The country should serve him, because frankly, he knows what's right. And he's been losing a bit of weight chasing squirrels, so lay off the fat jokes will you?

Now that you've read about him, I hope you'll take the time to elect him to the next public office that comes along. He really needs the work. Or rather, he really needs the cash the work he's not going to do will provide. As a symbol of his following of democracy, Mr. Bubberson's slogan is "It's Your Fault." That, in a nutshell, is the essence of the democratic political system. Don't you forget it! Mr. Bubberson sure won't.