(The following is a dramatic inaction of what might happen should I be pulled over, again. The first time was so scarring and traumatizing, even though I didn't even get a ticket, that I've been paranoid and hear sirens every once in awhile since. So, in the likely case I get pulled over and subsequently banned from ever driving again, I give you a scenario and resulting sequence of said events. No animals were harmed in the making of this. Ok, so that's a lie. But I'm allowed some embellishment, aren't I? You have been warned.)
A crazed, drunken, disorriented, and probably high Dylan "The Radiator" Meggs speeds down the interstate at a blistering 70 miles per hour, desperately seeking the cure to that gnarly spider bite he somehow aquired from a chicked three miles back in El Paso. Suddenly, on a whim of poison induced terror and adrenaline, he "kicks it up a notch." The speedometer reads 70.1, and breaking the law feels good! (He ignores, of course, his intoxicated state; wouldn't you, given the circumstances?).
Suddenly, a call goes out. A call of bloodcurdling shrillness and just a bit of flatulence. The Cops. The Fuzz. The Blue-Uniformed Boogy Boys. The Pigs in Tights. The DonutBanes. "The Law." "The Man." "The ____." Yes, our bibulous protagonist had been caught! What transpired would be remembered as one of the most harrowing events that the Mediocre State of Texas had experienced in at least two hours.
Dyl's fifteenth car, The Vengeance of the Revenge of the Doomslayer of the Pinkness of the Grandyloquence of the Righteous Fury of the Dyl Mobile III, pulled onto the side of the road, its blazing teal paint a vile affront to the royal blue of the bicycle cop that pulled Dyl over.
Copper: Alright, son, do you know how fast you were going?
Culprit: I know you are, but what am I?
Copper: This is not the time to act smart, Mister. Now, I'd like to let you off with a warning, but I need to see your liscense and registration first.
Culprit: Oh, I'll show you my liscense. My liscense to Spill! Toxic Waste, that is. Right on your shoe!
Copper: Now that was just uncalled fo...AAAHHHHHHH IT BURNS! SWEET MOTHER OF GOD IT BURNS!! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!!!!! THIS IS OFFICER 324, I NEED BACK...oh dear lord, BACKUP NOW!! AND AN AMBULANCE, PLEASE FOR ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY, HURRY!!!!
Dyl: Hahaha! That'll show you to wear sandals on a bicycle! Now where's my shotgun...
Police Force: Alright, son, we've got you surrounded! Give up now and there's no need for more violence!
Dyl: Yo' Mamma! Have some cheese. Shotgun cheese!
Police Force: Oh my LORD *vomit* that is some ripe cheese! We're gonna need some reinforcements...*vomit* call the...F...F...*vomit*.. Feds... *collapse*.
Dyl: That's right, and I've got plenty more where that came from!
Marine: From the Halls of Montezuma, to the Shores of Right Here, We're taking you down, madman!
Dyl: Oh no you're not! Mongeese, HO!!!
Marine: What the heck is a...AAAAHHHHHHHH THE EYES, DON'T LOOK AT THE EYES!!! THEY'RE LIKE THE PITS OF HELL! MY GOD...IT'S SO TERRIBLE! So So Terrible!!! They're like...emptiness...a void...of...all....get.....superman......
Dyl: Through Rain and Sleet and Hail and Flaming Gerbils, I shall prevail!
Superman: Stop right there! My Lazervision shall cut you down to size!
Dyl: I don't think so, DuperMan! Have an atom splitter, curtesy of SATAN!
Superman: What the...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *Dissolves into nothingness*
Dyl: MUWHAHAAHAHA $75 fine my rear! Oh no...Not That. ANYTHING BUT THAT! NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
And thus Dylan was smitten by a tree and a tiny patch of bad road that somehow managed to get hurled at him by the Hand of God herself. The remaining desolation remained a grand tourist attraction, but the loss of life alone reduced Texas to only 3 electoral votes, giving the Presidency to the Communists at last and thus the world plunged into a horrible millenia of prosperity and bless, followed by the Second Coming of Bob which essentially sent the entire thing into anarchy, misery, and chaos for the rest of eternity.
All this, for a speeding ticket. The future looks grand indeed!
Tuesday, March 30
Friday, March 26
The Devil Went Down to Georgia
Which is why I'm going up to Virginia for the last two days of Spring Break. Yes, it seems that "Spring Break" really consisted of me going places and doing things. And you should all know how I loathe going places and doing things. In fact, Thursday was the one day this entire "break" that I actually didn't do anything of much importance. It's a crime! Not to mention that next week marks the beginning of the most intense period of academics I've had and probably shall have for some time. 4 AP Tests! 4 of em! Ah well, I'll paddle through somehow.
Everything would be peachy, no BULLY!, if only my mind and I could get along. But apparently it is my mind's sole mission to destroy any remnants of hope or positive thinking in me. That just seems to be the case. I get some positive thinking going, hope that the future might be fun or entertaining, and then all of a sudden I'm back to nothing, trying to think of all the locations of all accessible swimming pools in the area. Love's probably pretty smug in that little box I shoved it in right now. Maybe that's what I'll do, strive to succeed just to spite it and my father (but we'll go there some other time). Eh, I've got a decent computer game right now. Maybe that'll serve as a suitable escape. Or I can write that epic poem I planned to do this week. Plenty of options...
Well, I'd better head to bed. I'll talk/see/verbally assault you people when I get back Sunday, an exhausted, embittered, but newly carred man. Until next time...
Everything would be peachy, no BULLY!, if only my mind and I could get along. But apparently it is my mind's sole mission to destroy any remnants of hope or positive thinking in me. That just seems to be the case. I get some positive thinking going, hope that the future might be fun or entertaining, and then all of a sudden I'm back to nothing, trying to think of all the locations of all accessible swimming pools in the area. Love's probably pretty smug in that little box I shoved it in right now. Maybe that's what I'll do, strive to succeed just to spite it and my father (but we'll go there some other time). Eh, I've got a decent computer game right now. Maybe that'll serve as a suitable escape. Or I can write that epic poem I planned to do this week. Plenty of options...
Well, I'd better head to bed. I'll talk/see/verbally assault you people when I get back Sunday, an exhausted, embittered, but newly carred man. Until next time...
Wednesday, March 24
Breaking Your Own Rules...
You know the best thing about self-imposed deadlines and pacts? You can break them at any time without any real repurcussions! Who knows how many plans I've scrapped, forgotten, or completely obliberated?
Well, anyway, I'm back. My mother decided to stay an extra day, which I didn't mind too much, but all the same my break's now over halfway over. Eh, what can one do? Without distorting the time space continuum, of course. So much to say, so much to do, so much to not do, so little time... The funny thing is, during summer vacation I'll have so much time I won't know what to do with myself.
Well, I suppose the only thing I can think of to talk about is our little "mountain excursion." I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. It really was as pointless and silly as I figured it'd be. I suppose I just don't like "communing with nature", especially if it takes hours to get there and back. It really wasn't that bad, but the "cost vs. reward" factor just wasn't there. I can walk around in circles on a track or the roads in my neighborhood just fine. But it's still a good thing we tried.
And now I believe I'll get back to my computer game. Until next time...
Well, anyway, I'm back. My mother decided to stay an extra day, which I didn't mind too much, but all the same my break's now over halfway over. Eh, what can one do? Without distorting the time space continuum, of course. So much to say, so much to do, so much to not do, so little time... The funny thing is, during summer vacation I'll have so much time I won't know what to do with myself.
Well, I suppose the only thing I can think of to talk about is our little "mountain excursion." I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. It really was as pointless and silly as I figured it'd be. I suppose I just don't like "communing with nature", especially if it takes hours to get there and back. It really wasn't that bad, but the "cost vs. reward" factor just wasn't there. I can walk around in circles on a track or the roads in my neighborhood just fine. But it's still a good thing we tried.
And now I believe I'll get back to my computer game. Until next time...
Sunday, March 21
Out to Lunch, Be Back Tuesday
Well, I'm off to Adams, that little town an hour out of Nashville where the Bell Witch reigned and just about nothing's happened there, ever. It's a nice little place, but it certainly isn't exactly exhilirating. Not that my normal existence is, but anyway... I'll have plenty to write about when I get back, but until then you'll have to make do without any crazed ramblings. Have a good few days. Until next time...
Tuesday, March 16
A drop in the bucket
Well, a minor update. We'll be doing something Saturday. Something meaning "The Plan." I've not told some people about "The Plan" because certain "people" are not tolerated well and should not be forced upon other "people." Anywho, not many posts (as you can tell by a lack of Perse) but Spring break should fix that. I'll have plenty to write about then. Now, I've got homework and slacking off on said homework. For some reason, this seems to become more of an obligation than an actual way to waste time, so in the spirit of that, I'll put it off too hehe. I'll get back in the groove during Spring Break, when I get more sleep. Ah sleep. Why hast thou forsaken me? Until next time!
Friday, March 12
I don't have Issues; I've a Year-Long subscription!
Well, I think I successfully wasted the entire day off doing next to nothing. Overall, pretty much what I expected. Now if I could only develop the skill of sleeping late, I'd be set. Unfortunately, I seem to lack the ability to fall back asleep once I wake up in the morning (morning mean sun is up). It's rather unfortunate, possibly contributing to my recent experiences of deprivation of energy (a combination of malnourishment, lack of sleep, the adjustment my eyes have to make from years of glasses to focusing differently from contacts, and the fact that I have to pull all my energy, including any positiveness from some source like a "soul") which result to a chronic slow down of brain functions around Chemistry everyday. It's a strange little phenomenom and makes me go a bit crazy every afternoon. Ok, so it's not only in the afternoon, but it's a bit more frenzied then!
Otherwise, things are going well. Occasionaly breaching wonderful and fantastic. It's a tad disturbing, but it's certainly an improvement of the previous situation of misery followed by brief elation, then more misery. Once you realize that depression, sadness, and despair are such worthless emotions, it's just matter of pushing them away. Be happy because you want to be happy, you don't need any other reasons. Sounds easy, eh? It normally is, surprisingly enough, but when I feel myself slipping back into the chasm, I just tap into Hope and I rocket back to the surface.
With misery generally taken care of, I can move on to figuring out other things. It's a peculiar thing, my mind. When I'm trying to analyze my beliefs, those core ideas that make up my moral system and what I stand for, it can be rather difficult. I "forget" a lot about why I believe certain things, so it just becomes a matter of course to believe then. Then they get twisted around and mangled to the point that I act and believe things that, when analyzed, I see are wrong and not what I'd like to be. I suppose that's what one gets for trying to constantly improve one's outlook while simultaneously worrying about all sorts of silly things and depriving oneself of most of the essentials of existence. I suppose my poor memory and retaining skills are also part of the reason I have a hard time "pulling things together." As you may have noticed, I'm not the most linear of writers. I'm sporadic and verbose, rambling from who knows where to knows where who. I suppose it makes me "dynamic", but the core of your being isn't exactly the sort of thing you want to constantly change.
I suppose it happens to everyone. If it didn't, we'd all be speaking like babies and probably not exist period. But it certainly seems like my inability to keep even myself straight leads to general confusion and mental anarchy. Needless to say, it can become rather trying and leads to me doing and saying things that I fundamentally disagree with, but don't realize for some time. For instance my psycho analysis has certainly applied in the past and partially in the present, but to what extent I'm not really sure. I've created a situation for myself where I have plenty of integrity to everyone but myself. Good fun for all, I suppose.
I believe I've gotten over my aversion to driving more than one person (as per the legal limit) in the form of civil disobedience. I disagree with the law, and as says Thoreau I shouldn't follow it. If I do get caught, it'll be simply dylicious to explain that I did it because it's what I learned in school. The relevance of this is that I've passed one obstacle to a mountain expedition. The others being direction, logistics, time, people, and a justification in my mind as to why I can't just walk in circles on a track for four hours instead of such a vast excursion. All easy enough to overcome. We simply must do something over the break. Either mountains or wraslin'. Maybe both...
And on one final note, I'll be starting the free-fall story sometime soon, this weekend or spring break. If you want in you absolutely must contact me. You all know you want to. It's good, clean, diabolical fun. Really. It is.
And on that note, I'll bid you farewell and a pleasant weekend. Until next time...
Otherwise, things are going well. Occasionaly breaching wonderful and fantastic. It's a tad disturbing, but it's certainly an improvement of the previous situation of misery followed by brief elation, then more misery. Once you realize that depression, sadness, and despair are such worthless emotions, it's just matter of pushing them away. Be happy because you want to be happy, you don't need any other reasons. Sounds easy, eh? It normally is, surprisingly enough, but when I feel myself slipping back into the chasm, I just tap into Hope and I rocket back to the surface.
With misery generally taken care of, I can move on to figuring out other things. It's a peculiar thing, my mind. When I'm trying to analyze my beliefs, those core ideas that make up my moral system and what I stand for, it can be rather difficult. I "forget" a lot about why I believe certain things, so it just becomes a matter of course to believe then. Then they get twisted around and mangled to the point that I act and believe things that, when analyzed, I see are wrong and not what I'd like to be. I suppose that's what one gets for trying to constantly improve one's outlook while simultaneously worrying about all sorts of silly things and depriving oneself of most of the essentials of existence. I suppose my poor memory and retaining skills are also part of the reason I have a hard time "pulling things together." As you may have noticed, I'm not the most linear of writers. I'm sporadic and verbose, rambling from who knows where to knows where who. I suppose it makes me "dynamic", but the core of your being isn't exactly the sort of thing you want to constantly change.
I suppose it happens to everyone. If it didn't, we'd all be speaking like babies and probably not exist period. But it certainly seems like my inability to keep even myself straight leads to general confusion and mental anarchy. Needless to say, it can become rather trying and leads to me doing and saying things that I fundamentally disagree with, but don't realize for some time. For instance my psycho analysis has certainly applied in the past and partially in the present, but to what extent I'm not really sure. I've created a situation for myself where I have plenty of integrity to everyone but myself. Good fun for all, I suppose.
I believe I've gotten over my aversion to driving more than one person (as per the legal limit) in the form of civil disobedience. I disagree with the law, and as says Thoreau I shouldn't follow it. If I do get caught, it'll be simply dylicious to explain that I did it because it's what I learned in school. The relevance of this is that I've passed one obstacle to a mountain expedition. The others being direction, logistics, time, people, and a justification in my mind as to why I can't just walk in circles on a track for four hours instead of such a vast excursion. All easy enough to overcome. We simply must do something over the break. Either mountains or wraslin'. Maybe both...
And on one final note, I'll be starting the free-fall story sometime soon, this weekend or spring break. If you want in you absolutely must contact me. You all know you want to. It's good, clean, diabolical fun. Really. It is.
And on that note, I'll bid you farewell and a pleasant weekend. Until next time...
Monday, March 8
20000 Leagues Inside My Mind
(The following is a dramatic reinactment of the events occuring this weekend. It is purely for amusement/wasting time. No animals were harmed in the making of this imaginary diversion. Enjoy.)
It was quiet. Too quiet. The submarine "Dyl's Revenge" had been floating along steadily for quite some time. So long, in fact, that the crew had quite forgotten its mission. Cabin fever had set in. The crew had long forgotten what land felt like. Suddenly a blip on the radar.
"Oncoming Social Situation at 7:30 Captain!"
"What!?! We aren't expecting any o' these dag blasted things! Well I spose it can't 'arm us too much. Take us in Mr.
Fool."
And the submarine did just that. Although the crew's apprehension was well warranted, they did need some supplies. The transfer seemed to go well, but soon "Dyl's Revenge" ran out of things to exchange. The Social Situation Sub captain gave the crew a quizzical look, but after a moment nodded and the transfer was completed. Everything seemed normal. Having been on aquamarine alert for so long, the "Dyl's Revenge" crew was in need of some slumber. They could barely finish the transfer. However they managed somehow, desperately hoping they didn't offend the other crew, and soon the Social Situation Sub was just a distant memory.
But something wasn't right. Sometime in the next shift exposions rocked the craft.
"Our Forward Engines been damaged, captain! We're taking on water! We need air!"
"Yarrr, this ain't the time for this! Blast, get us out of here!"
"No can do, we've no momentum! We're going down!"
And thus "Dyl's Revenge" sank. A feeling of Doom and forboding fell over the crew. Minutes turned to hours and hours to more hours as they sank deeper and deeper. Outside, fish old and young passed by. Still nothing could cheer the crestfallen crew. The situation appeared hopeless. Soon they would hit rock bottom and be done for.
"Curses! Send out an S.O.S on all frequencies! 'Haps someone can get us out of this 'ere mess!"
But despite there efforts, it was all in vain. The Captain had no idea what to do. Despair was beginning to set in upon most of the crew.
"Dagnabit, there 'as ta be somethin' we can do! First Mate Reason, we needs answers!"
"Sir, I regret to inform you but the entire situation is hopeless. We never should have left in the first place. No one can remember their mission, we have no direction, this was bound to happen sooner or later. We may as well consign ourselves to our fate."
"*Sigh* P'haps yore right. Shorely this ain't tha end! We've gone this fa', we can make it further! But how... Sum one, anyone? Anee suggestions?"
"Sir, it's futile. We may as well give up. The entire situation is pointless. Perhaps we should bring the entire Navy down with us. We still have a few torpedos with enough power to at least cause some damage..."
"No, Sir, I believe I might have a solution!" a tiny voice squeaked.
It was the cabin boy, Hope. He'd been forgotten sometime in a recent purge when Love and Death had tried to mutiny and been subsequently thrown into the brig. It was rumored they still had connections, and it was no large stretch to believe the explosions might have had some connection with the two.
"Well, lad, speak up! Can ye get us outta this mess or cain't ya?"
"Well Sir, if we jettison some excess weight and oxygen, we might be able to stop our descent and possibly float to the surface!"
"So be it! I'll 'ave to inspect tha hold to see what we can lose..."
Thus the captain journeyed deep inside the "Dyl's Revenge" and came upon the store.
"Well blow me down! Lookit all this stuff! Half of its rotted and useless, no wonder we're sinkin'!"
And thus the crew began to get rid of the waste. They gathered all sorts of horrible concotions and useless brews and balled them into a big ball. Despair, depression, hopelessness, angst, cynicism, fear, pity, self-consciousness, and even some left over sanity all were to be disposed of. Some even thought that First Mate Reason would insure that they made it to the surface, but the captain just gave him a stern warning and told the others to prepare for the operation. They dropped the ball of darkness into the sea and....
WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSS
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
"Dyl's Revenge" shot up out of the sea and practically blew into the sky! The crew was saved! Elation filled the ship, buoying the craft so it wouldn't sink again. But the captain had learned from past experiences. He would have to remain ever vigilant, or their mission would once again be forgotten. Their mission, as they now all remembered, was to see that hope became a fine young man and was safely carried to the other side of the sea. Many were their enemies, and often they would be tempted to take other courses. But they must remain firm. The captain ordered some sort of memorable song to make sure that the crew always remembered. And thus it was so. "Dyl's Revenge" continued on the sea, making way for that distant destination, help in tow. They would succeed. They simply had to.
It was quiet. Too quiet. The submarine "Dyl's Revenge" had been floating along steadily for quite some time. So long, in fact, that the crew had quite forgotten its mission. Cabin fever had set in. The crew had long forgotten what land felt like. Suddenly a blip on the radar.
"Oncoming Social Situation at 7:30 Captain!"
"What!?! We aren't expecting any o' these dag blasted things! Well I spose it can't 'arm us too much. Take us in Mr.
Fool."
And the submarine did just that. Although the crew's apprehension was well warranted, they did need some supplies. The transfer seemed to go well, but soon "Dyl's Revenge" ran out of things to exchange. The Social Situation Sub captain gave the crew a quizzical look, but after a moment nodded and the transfer was completed. Everything seemed normal. Having been on aquamarine alert for so long, the "Dyl's Revenge" crew was in need of some slumber. They could barely finish the transfer. However they managed somehow, desperately hoping they didn't offend the other crew, and soon the Social Situation Sub was just a distant memory.
But something wasn't right. Sometime in the next shift exposions rocked the craft.
"Our Forward Engines been damaged, captain! We're taking on water! We need air!"
"Yarrr, this ain't the time for this! Blast, get us out of here!"
"No can do, we've no momentum! We're going down!"
And thus "Dyl's Revenge" sank. A feeling of Doom and forboding fell over the crew. Minutes turned to hours and hours to more hours as they sank deeper and deeper. Outside, fish old and young passed by. Still nothing could cheer the crestfallen crew. The situation appeared hopeless. Soon they would hit rock bottom and be done for.
"Curses! Send out an S.O.S on all frequencies! 'Haps someone can get us out of this 'ere mess!"
But despite there efforts, it was all in vain. The Captain had no idea what to do. Despair was beginning to set in upon most of the crew.
"Dagnabit, there 'as ta be somethin' we can do! First Mate Reason, we needs answers!"
"Sir, I regret to inform you but the entire situation is hopeless. We never should have left in the first place. No one can remember their mission, we have no direction, this was bound to happen sooner or later. We may as well consign ourselves to our fate."
"*Sigh* P'haps yore right. Shorely this ain't tha end! We've gone this fa', we can make it further! But how... Sum one, anyone? Anee suggestions?"
"Sir, it's futile. We may as well give up. The entire situation is pointless. Perhaps we should bring the entire Navy down with us. We still have a few torpedos with enough power to at least cause some damage..."
"No, Sir, I believe I might have a solution!" a tiny voice squeaked.
It was the cabin boy, Hope. He'd been forgotten sometime in a recent purge when Love and Death had tried to mutiny and been subsequently thrown into the brig. It was rumored they still had connections, and it was no large stretch to believe the explosions might have had some connection with the two.
"Well, lad, speak up! Can ye get us outta this mess or cain't ya?"
"Well Sir, if we jettison some excess weight and oxygen, we might be able to stop our descent and possibly float to the surface!"
"So be it! I'll 'ave to inspect tha hold to see what we can lose..."
Thus the captain journeyed deep inside the "Dyl's Revenge" and came upon the store.
"Well blow me down! Lookit all this stuff! Half of its rotted and useless, no wonder we're sinkin'!"
And thus the crew began to get rid of the waste. They gathered all sorts of horrible concotions and useless brews and balled them into a big ball. Despair, depression, hopelessness, angst, cynicism, fear, pity, self-consciousness, and even some left over sanity all were to be disposed of. Some even thought that First Mate Reason would insure that they made it to the surface, but the captain just gave him a stern warning and told the others to prepare for the operation. They dropped the ball of darkness into the sea and....
WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSS
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
"Dyl's Revenge" shot up out of the sea and practically blew into the sky! The crew was saved! Elation filled the ship, buoying the craft so it wouldn't sink again. But the captain had learned from past experiences. He would have to remain ever vigilant, or their mission would once again be forgotten. Their mission, as they now all remembered, was to see that hope became a fine young man and was safely carried to the other side of the sea. Many were their enemies, and often they would be tempted to take other courses. But they must remain firm. The captain ordered some sort of memorable song to make sure that the crew always remembered. And thus it was so. "Dyl's Revenge" continued on the sea, making way for that distant destination, help in tow. They would succeed. They simply had to.