I wrote a suicide note today in the form of the last first half chapter of my book today. Guilt and responsibility does wonders to one's will to live. But the kindness and concern of others, the fact that people do need me, and my low tolerance to pain aborted the attempt. Last night, as you may have noticed, was not fun. I went to bed and actually cried before I fell asleep. I don't know how to fix my father's problems. I want to forget about them, but I feel some familial responsibility to him to try and help. However, there are too many walls to make it easy. I don't know. Maybe in ten years I could, but not now. He's been like this since Carrie was born I dare to say, so I don't know what else could help but a therapist. All the lonely, miserable people in this world... It's enough to inspire a guy to want to change it. Well, enough to inspire a guy to want to write about it to point it out. Who knows? Not me.