Eh. Eh I say! So graduation's coming up and all the seniors are leaving. Even yesterday afternoon seemed empty right after school with them all gone in their grown-up shenanigans. But that's the way these things happen. After graduation, I'll probably never see most of them again, and the ones I do, I'll see them maybe once or twice. They're just gone, lost on the winds of time. It's almost a shame. But comings and goings are they way of our fleeting existences. People come into your life, stay awhile, and leave. What you do with them while they're there is what's important, and I feel like I haven't done enough. But that's the price of bumitude, and it's a steep one.
Speaking of doing things with others, last night was our grand tent revival. I was very impressed with Ellen, Rachel, and Morgan and their commitment and ability. But I was disgusted with mine. Not only did not have my lines memorized (believe it or not, I did sort of have them down, but I didn't want to risk forgetting in the middle of my tirade so I kept the script with me), but I did horribly! I mispronounced words (it sounds like a stupid JFK impersonation, emphasis on stupid), gave a lackluster performance, not to mention I looked downright goofy. Although I think a lot of that is nothing new. It's very hard and shocking, seeing oneself for what you really are. Hearing what your voice actually sounds like. When I see myself, and my big teeth and huge...Adams Apple is it?...and just my rather goofy demeanor and dorkish voice it disturbs me. I don't like being superficial, but it's hard not to. They're hard things to change. Ah well. At least I didn't have a panic attack.
And last, but certainly not least, I'm launching my fifth blog! Yes, www.abnerdoubleday.blogspot.com is now in commission. In it I plan on writing what I did not do today, humorous, zany, or not. Any of you are welcome to join in too, but only one sentence per day. No time or frequency requirements though, and everyone at any time is welcome. Just email me. Check it out, it should be fun.
Saturday, May 15
The Changing of the Guard
I’ve seen the castle everyday for the past few years.
I’ve seen it draped it revelry, I’ve seen it flood with tears.
I’ve seen the guards fight battles, protecting us from harm.
I’ve seen them guide in diplomats, employing tact and charm.
I’ve seen them stand there stoically, watching the days drive past.
I’ve seen them all these days for years, and I’ve known it could not last.
I hear the colonel shout the order for the guards to march away.
I hear them leave their battlements, for here they cannot stay.
I hear them yell “Goodbye” and “Thanks” to we they leave behind.
I hear the sadness in their voice, the longing in their mind.
I hear the hope and fear they have, of futures quite unsure.
I hear the doubts and regrets clear; for all there is no cure.
I feel them pass beyond the gates into the great unknown.
I feel the emptiness abound, the banners no more flown.
I feel the calm and eerie peace of a city lacking kings.
I feel the absence of so many familiar things.
I feel as if there is so much that I now should do.
I feel the pressing burden of these obligations new.
I should have asked them more advice, I should have spent more time!
I should have paid attention to them in their majestic prime.
I should have helped, I should have cared, I should have been their friend!
I should have realized that our times together soon would end.
I should have appreciated them, but they’re all now gone.
I should have prepared for my ascent to knight from just a pawn.
I take their spots upon the wall, and stand where titans stood.
I take up discarded armor and would cheer if but I could.
I take their burdens, take their honors, and at last I take their flag.
I take the time to raise up ours to replace the tattered rag.
I take their posts where now I stand and see what I can see.
I take a look upon these kids who one day shall replace me.
I’ve seen it draped it revelry, I’ve seen it flood with tears.
I’ve seen the guards fight battles, protecting us from harm.
I’ve seen them guide in diplomats, employing tact and charm.
I’ve seen them stand there stoically, watching the days drive past.
I’ve seen them all these days for years, and I’ve known it could not last.
I hear the colonel shout the order for the guards to march away.
I hear them leave their battlements, for here they cannot stay.
I hear them yell “Goodbye” and “Thanks” to we they leave behind.
I hear the sadness in their voice, the longing in their mind.
I hear the hope and fear they have, of futures quite unsure.
I hear the doubts and regrets clear; for all there is no cure.
I feel them pass beyond the gates into the great unknown.
I feel the emptiness abound, the banners no more flown.
I feel the calm and eerie peace of a city lacking kings.
I feel the absence of so many familiar things.
I feel as if there is so much that I now should do.
I feel the pressing burden of these obligations new.
I should have asked them more advice, I should have spent more time!
I should have paid attention to them in their majestic prime.
I should have helped, I should have cared, I should have been their friend!
I should have realized that our times together soon would end.
I should have appreciated them, but they’re all now gone.
I should have prepared for my ascent to knight from just a pawn.
I take their spots upon the wall, and stand where titans stood.
I take up discarded armor and would cheer if but I could.
I take their burdens, take their honors, and at last I take their flag.
I take the time to raise up ours to replace the tattered rag.
I take their posts where now I stand and see what I can see.
I take a look upon these kids who one day shall replace me.
Thursday, May 13
The Frost Hangs Thick
It's the time of graduations and many minds turn to Frost. Frost seems to be a popular theme at graduations, largely due to his poem that I ...adjusted... below. I'm sure you've read it and seen the contradictions that people pull from it to enhance their speeches. As you may notice, it seems as if the roads not taken are more focused upon in the poem than the speeches. And that seems to be the problem with many people, myself included. Instead of thinking ahead, of ways to make your walk, or run heaven forbid, of life more interesting, we think of the paths we don't take. Those forbidden treks into lands we dare not let ourselves enjoy for fear they would corrupt us into happiness. Only in daydreams and fantasies are these unrealities truly possible. And feasibility is suprisingly not the culprit. It's the walkers who choose their ways that are to blame (of course, I use the word "choose" loosely).
But such is the way of imagination. If's, but's, could's plague one's mind. Eh, you'll have to wait until next time...
But such is the way of imagination. If's, but's, could's plague one's mind. Eh, you'll have to wait until next time...
The Road Not Given
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And both the roads looked equally good.
But I sat on the fork instead
And thought the matter in my head:
Either way could end quite well.
Either way could end in Hell.
Each I knew was bright and fair
For every choice would lead elsewhere.
But I could not choose, I wanted all;
Could not decide, make either call.
Yet one that was perhaps the best
Gleamed and called more than the rest.
And finally it released a shout!
For its' resolve had given out.
The path dissolved, the way closed in,
And I was left one path again.
The Frost hung thick on brittle pine
While trees closed in on down the line.
I did not choose, the path chose me
Due to inability.
Ages pass and still I dream
For that path I closed did seem
To be the one I ought to take.
But so do all I do not make.
And both the roads looked equally good.
But I sat on the fork instead
And thought the matter in my head:
Either way could end quite well.
Either way could end in Hell.
Each I knew was bright and fair
For every choice would lead elsewhere.
But I could not choose, I wanted all;
Could not decide, make either call.
Yet one that was perhaps the best
Gleamed and called more than the rest.
And finally it released a shout!
For its' resolve had given out.
The path dissolved, the way closed in,
And I was left one path again.
The Frost hung thick on brittle pine
While trees closed in on down the line.
I did not choose, the path chose me
Due to inability.
Ages pass and still I dream
For that path I closed did seem
To be the one I ought to take.
But so do all I do not make.
Wednesday, May 12
Follow Up.
The die remains and shall always remain. Only Fate and irrationalities know what it landed. For it did not land at all, but remained unknown, and therefore known to all. But me.
Tuesday, May 11
Change? I've only got Bills!
Well, actually, I've plenty of change. Today kicked it off with the end of AP tests for a year. A whole year! Yes indeedydooariffic! But that's not all, oh no. Call now and you'll receive my special introductory offer of me with a haircut! You heard right. I got my hairs trimmed and my face looks so empty without full sideburns. But they'll grow back, they always do. I don't really know if I like them or not, but I figure it's easier to let em grow than cut them all the time. Go figure. Plus I've stopped that bizarre sequence of "fillers" up to this point which even I am not quite sure what I was doing. Use your imaginations, it's not much of a stretch.
So that's the changes up to this point. I'm also going to try to stop reacting so...aversly to human contact. Now this doesn't mean I'll walk up to you, pat you on the back, and give you a grand bear hug that not only knocks your air out, but also knocks your sense, knowledge of self, and hopefully at least $5 from your wallet. And you mocked my velcro... But yes, I'll try not to run away or scream in terror. Except from Catherine, but that's only because it's good to have light-hearted enemies.
Next on the docket is to breach the subject of a board/card game club. I figure I'll throw it out to Petko, see what he thinks, then move on to Mr. Combs, then perhaps Mr. Ledgerwood, then I'll see if Ms. Bast has any thoughts. Hopefully I won't have to go down that chain, but we'll see. It's that or a girlfriend, and I won't cross that bridge til someone pushes me of..er...up to it. I'm sort of a waiter than a doer. You know how it is.
But anyway, I think a board/card game excursion would be a welcome diversion. I played today in Chemistry and I thought it was pretty enjoyable. Spades is a great game for drama with no stakes, few complications, but still pretty exciting. But we can do all sorts of things. And you will come. You know you want to. Just gotta find a teacher...
So that's all I've got planned. Someone's welcome to toss me off a cliff or stab me in the elbow with a pike (weapon or fish) to liven things up. Can't be much worse than these last few classes. But those are for another day. And with that, I bid you til next time.
So that's the changes up to this point. I'm also going to try to stop reacting so...aversly to human contact. Now this doesn't mean I'll walk up to you, pat you on the back, and give you a grand bear hug that not only knocks your air out, but also knocks your sense, knowledge of self, and hopefully at least $5 from your wallet. And you mocked my velcro... But yes, I'll try not to run away or scream in terror. Except from Catherine, but that's only because it's good to have light-hearted enemies.
Next on the docket is to breach the subject of a board/card game club. I figure I'll throw it out to Petko, see what he thinks, then move on to Mr. Combs, then perhaps Mr. Ledgerwood, then I'll see if Ms. Bast has any thoughts. Hopefully I won't have to go down that chain, but we'll see. It's that or a girlfriend, and I won't cross that bridge til someone pushes me of..er...up to it. I'm sort of a waiter than a doer. You know how it is.
But anyway, I think a board/card game excursion would be a welcome diversion. I played today in Chemistry and I thought it was pretty enjoyable. Spades is a great game for drama with no stakes, few complications, but still pretty exciting. But we can do all sorts of things. And you will come. You know you want to. Just gotta find a teacher...
So that's all I've got planned. Someone's welcome to toss me off a cliff or stab me in the elbow with a pike (weapon or fish) to liven things up. Can't be much worse than these last few classes. But those are for another day. And with that, I bid you til next time.