On the day of his 14th birthday, Calvin Millers had an idea. It was at once lofty, idealisticly optimistic, and truly inspiring. It was also impossible. Calvin Miller wanted to be elected to take over as The Universe.
Calvin was born to the unlikely union of a card-carrying socialist and a lifelong libertarian [Pictures of ACLU rally and makeout(?)]. This resulted in something of a... diverse childhood. Calvin was taught to love the world, respecting its independence while doing everything he could to help it, but only if he had its express permission (and at least three copies of signed consent forms). [Picture of Mike-esque individual in suit and a hippie, with Calvin in between, smiling]
But, overall, Calvin was instilled with a persistent spirit to never stopping fighting for what he believed in, a value he received from both his parents [picture of parents vehemently fighting with young Calvin holding each of them and smiling].
Because of constant government persecution and an uncanny ability to get ejected from whatever community the family entered, Calvin's childhood was spent meeting all manner of diverse individuals in all sorts of exotic places [pictures of families at various homes with various people, including under bridges and with hoboes].
Unfortunately, tragedy haunted the boy's footsteps. The day before Calvin turned 14 years old, his father choked to death in a crowded restaurant on an oversized pomegranite seed. [Three pictures of father in various stages of choking, as customers eat on nonplussed]. Hours later, still ignorant of her husband's death, his mother died in a series of complications resulting from a paper-cut on her index finger. [Multiple pictures of mother receiving cut, attempting to apply band-aid, and people rushing in to "help", eventually results in attempted defibrillation that, of course, gives her a heart attack].
Then, on the same day at approximately 11:48 PM, Calvin's faithful dog and steadfast companion, Irony, died in his sleep.
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