Well, it has indeed been awhile. So, to fill ye of little info in, I'll write another unnecessarily long, boring, possibly hyperbolated, rambling, possibly rhyming, novel about the past week. I'll write a summary at the end (if I remember) for those who don't want to waste too much time. (It should be noted, however, that if you do skip the reading, you will need to be flogged, lynched, and or run over by a stampede or asparagus craving caterpillars.)
Well, you’ve probably read my infuriatingly tedious and long account of my ice adventure. Logic would say that if I can conquer roads coated with ice and stopping on a hill in a manual car, I can drive most anywhere that’s feasible. Well, logic and fate apparently conspired a bit over this break to trick me and lull me into a false sense of security. How can abstract ideas devise methods of torment for someone like myself who has no reason to care? I don’t know. If you find out and would like to rebel against some of the foundations of human existence, please let me know. I need to get out of the house and have more violent insurrections more often.
Anyway, getting back to a summary of my break… I made it a resolution to get away from this infernal contraption I like to call the “computer.” So I decided I’d get away through any means necessary, even if that meant going outside and finding bored souls in which I could engage in a match of fate and wit. In other words, I played bored/card games. However, the “Powers that Am” decided I was getting too uppity. So on Christmas Eve, as I was on my way home listening to Beethoven’s 5th, I just happened to go down a hill with a slight curve and all of a sudden I lost control and BAM! I ran straight into a tree. I’m still not quite sure what happened, I can only assume that time rippled a bit and as an alternate plane of reality shifted slightly with our own, the road changed a bit, and I had no alternative but to slam into a tree. Or I could have gone slightly off the road on some slick grass and just slipped. Either one is perfectly feasible.
If you’ve never totaled a car or done something of such magnitude that the only feeling you suffer are disbelief and an overall feeling of dread, might I suggest that you take your car and drive off a cliff, jumping out right before it goes over, for no apparent reason. Then explain your rationale and deal with all the subsequent consequences including, but not limited to, incapacitating injuries, public property damage, outstanding warrants for your arrest, the hostages that were in the trunk, rifts in the space-time continuum, forces of unspeakable evil you’ve unleashed and must now destroy or capture again in an apocalyptic struggle the likes of which the earth will never seen again (likely because it will be destroyed in the process), and, of course, finding another car. Of the above, I’ve only had to deal with two, and boy was that apocalyptic struggle fun!
But that’s neither here, there, nor slightly to your left. Suffice it to say, my car was dead. I hit the tree dead on, and my poor Beretta was quite a mess. I’m fairly stoic about most everything, but even I was disappointed about the loss of the “Dyl Mobile”. I’d kind of grown attached to it, with its manual-ness, two doors, and general state of atrophy. But it was beyond repair.
At the time, I felt relatively fine, physically speaking. My knee appeared to have some sort of grease stains (which later turned out to be blood from where it had hit the car when I tried to slam on the breaks), and I had a slight pain in my chest. Mainly a sense of doom and destruction was prevalent, more so than usual at any rate. Someone called the police, who promptly showed up and ran the normal procedure for accidents. They went ahead and called an ambulance, as a matter of standard procedure. My father arrived soon, followed by the ambulance paramedic-ish people who made some jokes at my expense and pronounced me fine, but said it was probably wise to go to the ER.
I made it home, my primary concern my knee which, while not incredibly painful, was to be considered unreliable and therefore it was no longer privy to confidential information and was kept under armed guards at all time. Then we headed over to Children’s, my slightly jarred body in tow. When I arrived and had to put on a hospital gown (an annoying practice, leaving one feeling exposed and just a bit drafty), I was able to survey the damage. My knee was so swollen that when I compared it to the other, I thought “Gee, I wonder why I can only see the bone on one.” (Not the actual bone, but the other was so swollen it was almost perfectly round). I then received the first set of what would be many x-rays and was sent on my oh so merry way home. (Now forgive me as I briefly diverge into a rhyming parody).
Twas the night before Christmas, and I was in bed
I was quite shaken up, my poor car was dead.
My socks had been taken off with great care,
(Of course it had to be that accursed new pair!)
I was ready to sleep, it had been a bad day
I couldn’t wait for dreams to come my way.
But sleep did not come easily, I ran out of breath,
But I attributed it to too much crystal meth.
I awoke the next morning to such a clatter,
Apparently with my x-ray something was the matter!
The radiologist, it seemed, last night did review,
And apparently he’d seen something new.
My lung was in trouble, a bit collapsed if you will,
And this sort of thing you can’t solve with a pill.
So with a groan I arose with no joy,
For Christmas I got a chest tube instead of a toy!
I had no reindeer, not even a sleigh
But still we sped off on that Christmas Day
As my mother drove away, I cried in our wake
”Geez, this is Christmas, can’t I at least catch a break!?”
So we headed to UT where I was put it in another blasted gown and I received a few more x-rays (unfortunately, I didn’t get any mutations; superpowers would have been a great turn around of events). I was feeling fine all the time, wondering what the point of coming to the hospital was when you felt as if you could do a somersault with one hand tied behind your back while riding a raging wombat in a pouring thunderstorm of slightly acidic rain. I may exaggerate a bit, but I still didn’t feel like I should be there.
But I was still instructed to remain in the hospital for at least a day. So we saddled up (or I got pushed on a wheelchair) into the Pediatrics area. Apparently you should aim for the children’s section of the hospital as long as you can. The staff apparently gets a tad surly and irritated in the sections for people above the magical age of 18, so to the puppy dog and kitty cat painted hallways I went. All in all I was rather annoyed at the whole process. I was still feeling fine, with no motivation to remain. Every action the hospital staff took I could assume was padding the bill or useless bureaucracy. It’s rough being a miserly scrooge, believe you me.
Well the problem did not correct itself overnight, so the doctors’ only option was to stick 13 inches of a garden hose sized tube into my chest to suck out the air in the affected area. This device, dubbed a “chest tube” was very uncomfortable. I was limited in virtually everything I could do. Not only that, but I was also forced to seek out painkillers, since having a tube in your chest is apparently a bit more than one’s body can dub normal. I spend the first day and a half with the tube throwing up whatever I ate and being in a general state of misery, as some painkillers have an adverse effect upon my system. Drugs will do that to you, I suppose. I thought morphine was my friend too, go figure… But I finally found one that my system agreed with and I was able to relax into drugged highs that, while I was not out of control or goofy (that I know of), I was at least at peace with the world (which is quite a foreign concept for me).
Thus it was that after 5 days, total, (2 and ½ with the tube) I was released. I’ll spare you the particularly gruesome details. Suffice it to that overall, the entire situation could have been quite a bit worse. My car could have shattered into thousands of pieces in one way or another (which my Dad apparently became quite concerned about after closer inspection of the wreck). I could have hit someone else. The police and hospital staff could have been cruel, heartless, or at the very least tried to steal my lunch money (I was quite surprised and encouraged, in fact; out of all the people I met, besides some needlessly talkative ones and the accursed paramedics, everyone was nice and friendly). I could have felt absolutely tormented and miserable, but other than quite annoyed and the tube in my chest, I felt relatively well.
And I’d also like to give a great big “Thanks!!!!” to everyone who stopped by. Kelly and Rachel actually came every single day, which was quite a change of the dreary and boring pace set in a hospital and I was quite grateful. Thanks also to everyone else, including but not limited to Morgan, Catherine, Amy, Seth, Sara, and Elizabeth for stopping by at least once. Even if I seemed crazy, contrary, spiteful, depressed, or whatever I did appreciate it (as is true whenever I seem the above ways) and enjoyed you guys stopping by and helping me not feel like such a shut in.
So that was the highlight of my break. Of course, I did catch a cold for a fitting end to my long, two-week adventure, but as school returns I'm almost fully recovered from everything and I'm ready to begin another long, hard slog. I made a New Years resolution to get out of the house more and away from this infernal contraption, and by George I certainly want to keep it! Now, all that may entail is walking around aimlessly in not-so-foreign parts of the country or my mind, but anyone’s welcome to join if they so desire. I also want to play even more board games than I do now, so there’s another method to get away. Hopeless dreams or actualities? I think you know the answer, but don’t tell me, I might remember too!
So until next time (which should be sooner than later), enjoy whatever you’re doing and watch out for that Tree!
(As far as riddles are concerned, I should be posting one relatively soon. Derek is the only one who got it right, out of the two people who answered, so you still have something to think on. The new color scheme is for the onset of the semester of DOOM, but I’ll get the posting contest working again too. The story’s still there, don’t let Inco die!)
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